tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12191858557132811632024-03-16T02:21:07.643-07:00The Ultimate C WordA twisted tale about my life when diagnosed with breast cancer aged 31. Life as I know it has gone. I am not brave, I have no choice. Oh and I used to like pink...The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-70898734365886924742021-04-13T11:03:00.001-07:002021-04-26T08:41:32.791-07:00Oh and by the way...Another moaning account of my life for the last 10 weeks - you have been warned.<div><br></div><div>Toothache - Jesus fucking Christ, the next tooth along to where I had all of the other issues (when I say issues, I mean when parts of my jaw FELL OFF)which then delayed my treatment and the bones mets started getting worse.</div><div><br></div><div>Excellent</div><div><br></div><div>My god the pain is incredible. After sacking my last dentist I think I rang about 15 dentists in the area, no one is taking on NHS patients so I went private. Turns out, no great shock, that I need a root canal and a crown. £1,500. So, after last time I’m sure the hospital told me any future procedures like this needed to be done by them because of the potential side effects of my bone injections. FOUR weeks of phone calls to the hospital chasing and chasing, pretty much begging I got a referral to the hospital dentist. A week later I chased up my appointment only to be told that they don’t carry out these type of procedures and I’d have to see a regular dentist. And so I got myself the next available appointment with them -4 weeks time.</div><div><br></div><div>So that’s me pretty much in bed the entire time, toothache, still in pain from my trip down the stairs and bladder spasms. It’s been horrible, plus the fact that we’re still in lockdown so I can’t see anyone, I don’t know how Arron has coped, I really don’t, I cry most nights, I wake up in pain crying, he gets no sleep and still has to go to work. He deserves a knighthood ( I would never tell him that!)</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Then I had an overnight stay in hotel Burton Hospital, raging temperature, vomiting for 4 days... the staff in A&E were incredible, absolutely amazing, but they didn’t quite know where the infection was. It’s safe to say that the surgical team didn’t want me and neither did the medics, in fact the medical team made me cry with how rude they were and made me feel like I was making the whole thing up - not sure how you can fake your bloods but hey. So I had a CT scan incase I had kidney stones, that came back “clear” so I was put under the care of the medics and put on a ward overnight for IV fluids, antibiotics and antisickness. I’d like to thank the ward sister that burst through the doors at 2am shouting that it was officially spring and the clocks had gone forward, that was a highlight, along with being denied analgesia incase I was sick again. Not one person listened to me about my tooth and I was treated for sepsis.</div><div><br></div><div>The next morning after politely telling the HCA that I could walk and there was no way that anyone was assisting me to have a shower, I was seen by a doctor.</div><div>She said that because I was feeling much better (was I? Pretty sure I’d just filled 2 sick bowls), they were going to discharge me and put it all down to me having my second covid vaccine. Oh and her boss had checked my “clear” CT scan and had noticed that one of the cysts on my liver was larger than the others so there is a 50% chance it could be cancer but she would email my Oncologist and they would look into it but could take a couple of months. Sorry what?!</div><div><br></div><div>After being told that I didn’t need to wait for my discharge letter and I wasn’t going home with any medication (clearly the antisickness meds I was having at home weren’t working but who cares?) me and my temperature of 37.9 left the ward and went home. 3 bottles of Orangina later I was back in my own bed.</div><div><br></div><div>My sister came round and did my housework, ran me a bath, absolute angel and brought meals on wheels, I have zero energy and I’m reliant upon lucozade.</div><div><img id="id_c37d_594b_8eb1_ddb9" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/kK_LrFzV3wK4TTIOBQ4j_EZ3wxRr27rE-YXR0X1_L7nos5SNNha_sX67auZN8MdZYFY" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br>Fabio showed no fucks and carried on being a little dickhead, barking for no apparent reason and just pissing where he likes....</div><div><img id="id_163f_d00a_ceb7_a5c7" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-yvK5h2Ap0zX_kDqIxDAG-rqchMuh0mqSuxWlTRwN_9Ktiweku_IFNb_zu2Wcwm8ydI" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br>I spoke to my secondary nurse to tell her about the scan and she said that she would put it through MTD and I’d have the results on the 16th April,</div><div>I then called the dentist to see if there had been any cancellations but they only had a small appointment available but could do something to get me out of pain - amen for that!!</div><div><br></div><div>My god the pain!!!!! Jesus Christ, I’ve been to the dentist and they’ve started the treatment - they’ve taken the old filling off, removed the plaque that was sitting on the nerve (apparently I’m unlucky because there wasn’t that much plaque but what there was, was sitting on the nerve), I mean really, what did I expect? So I’ve got antibiotics and a temp filling. That was yesterday, last night I almost tried crack I was in that much bastard pain, honestly it was awful, so in my stupid tiny mind I decided to take codeine, knowing that it would make me sick.... didn’t even touch the pain and my god was I sick... sorry, still sick today, and still in pain .... crack anyone?</div><div><br></div><div>Hollie and Sammy have really saved the day, </div><div>Hollie got me a nightie so there’s nothing pressing on my bladder/stomach and Sammy got me an electronic heat pad - Arrons well happy that he no longer has to go up and down the “death stairs” filling my hot water bottles up! It’s really taken the edge off and I’m no longer googling crack pipes...</div><div><img id="id_b876_d455_c9b1_9b88" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/7YDCAmT4UA-MQAgUD0EM6FSkWjTaUz3VyF43BwcF59cr0zotV5t9fY1JN8ufIcGW01I" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>12th April came and went, I remained in bed but could see everyone on social media out with friends, all I could think about was having a larger shandy in a beer garden but as I could only just make it to the bathroom I was sensible. Also my blood pressure had seen better days and I didn’t even have the energy to get dressed 🙄</div><div><img id="id_dbf_e81f_5d6f_61d8" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/C640_HwIIvJX97W0raZLL0fQrDYs6hi-j_pMbdC6AUrPmuCMuZwsnX6KkZAoLFT3bcA" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_4c92_d602_ec55_a522" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/FwON7kU73y3hPAHIeWhYgQllwZ6hVVWxPlZHemb2PfnhP0k9IlIBQsmiOqzwnJsKSbc" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br>I went for the dreaded results....the CT is unclear, it’s not a cyst, it’s either a blood vessel.... or cancer... so on Friday I had an MRI and now the waiting starts over again.</div><div><br></div><div>I can’t thank everyone enough for their messages, might take me a while to reply sometimes but I really appreciate it, along with all of the lovely flowers from Amber Lodge, Andrea, Sammy, Rhian and my sister in law Leanne, I think we need to get some more vases!</div><div><img id="id_6d97_16ed_90cc_2469" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/_v3ndIA60DbdIgr-znfrmsa92zVks0S2rAtx2tnynrXmZymtAR1j30UnY1a7yQzA7xA" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_c5ec_213e_7c19_b3bd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/IgNu13XvD6mBRqJz8JIBtXNWWnv2WBktRugiXg76xsKsYUGe5CWbVmGUaF3DcKUsAl8" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_421c_8d3a_211c_ca51" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/nod7DPimS0uhoGasnOXi7uzwaMI1RsoT3fsGCf-eJIVQWNVwNUz4Il_cxdHpivf3iyA" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br><div><div><img id="id_9a41_a4c1_9f90_df67" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/jtK5paW9xhGd2y0UXyd2uN74aeGo2TxGsXvkki1iMQkAzzvLoAe1ey8ytS0TF7JFDqg" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><img id="id_8c3b_e358_af21_cce5" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/sP3aw5QVZbqgmOet6rxFg_9YShHdYhWvlwhs7a9Ng918ZqtUQ57rfiRKr7HQIQJ1VZ8" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_2dea_bfff_e683_e47d" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/k8kUMo-xG3b-KSiVStLNAcTHcmsYl33yLuK9JoRUp53tw9LbDdmPW7Qm-7pV4MoQAh8" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_77ba_22f7_57e0_9fcd" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/l5eI4921mW1o6Xtkd-8Zm_SAlojMBEq5-Bi-uvtJK5TPXpf7m6i2ufpaV2BoGPpXXks" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_2b28_c0ac_4769_33d8" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/Epr2YOgtY1GzKrzsx9PZC0o8z3_Ars4oR629m27jv8F6TnW5Hf8yjBEOHV65aZHpePI" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br>I’ll be lucky to get 1 Pay Day chocolate bar!</div></div></div><div><br></div><div>I did manage to go to the beer garden with Andrea to meet my brother for a Diet Coke!! It was amazing, the sun was shining everyone was happy it really was lovely, hopefully there are more days like this to come!</div><div><br></div><div>For now I’m resting again in bed, trying to get the energy to strip the bed🙄 and trying not to think about the likely outcome of May 14th. Deep down I know what’s coming, I’m not right, somethings going on...</div><div><br></div><div>I’m not sure I can do it again.</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-77713137180794894492021-01-12T14:57:00.001-08:002021-04-27T10:49:03.980-07:00The Xmas of broken bones and boilersAfter last years Christmas, which was fab until Xmas day evening when the man flu (which I actually now think was covid, set it) I was really looking forward to it, especially to the mainly shit show of 2020.<div><br></div><div>We’d planned on Xmas day at home just the 2 of us (plus the guys of course), and then Boxing Day Hollie, Dave and the kids were coming for a party. Oh how plans changed so quickly for everyone, - no mixing of households except for Christmas Day. </div><div><br></div><div>Then on Xmas Eve the temperature dropped and our boiler broke, I cried and went back to bed. Now if you’ve ever broken a bone or suffered with bone pain you’ll know that the cold and damp does fuck all to help. So late Xmas Eve it was decided that I would go and stay at Hollies in the warm and Arron would join us Xmas day for dinner. It actually turned out really lovely, I was able to pop and see my brother and kids and had a lovely day - and of course I didn’t have to lift a finger as I’m not allowed anywhere near the kitchen so I just sat and played with the kids and did a bit (a lot) of karaoke! </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Fast forward to 29th December, I was at home, upstairs, tidying and as I went to go down the stairs I slipped and fell top to bottom. Ouch. We live in an old Victorian terrace and the stairs are STEEP to say the least, we have a tiny tiny square hallway (if you can even call it that) so my fall was broken at the bottom with my legs stretched out slamming into the front door. I must have tried to grab the wall or something because I pulled my left shoulder and lymphedema arm too, just to really add salt to the wound.</div><div><br></div><div>I was screaming, the pain was incredible. After about an hour of Arron trying his best to help me, he somehow got me back up the stairs and into bed with a hot water bottle, some codeine and a sleeping tablet. The next day is a blur really, I couldn’t move, every bone from my waist down felt like glass, more embarrassment there was a few times that I just couldn’t get to the toilet in time. Thankfully my new heated blanket I got from my Mom for Xmas was shared - thank the bloody lord - I’d have been lost without it!!</div><div><br></div><div>New Years Eve I was due my bone injection, I arrived at the chemo department - Arron had to drive me, there was no way in hell I could drive - I can hardly sit down. One of the chemo nurses came out to the reception and I burst into tears, she basically said I looked horrendous (in the nicest possible way), she called A&E and off I went.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_e09c_8584_f664_c106" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/mPN0XhPsbX61JttjuGQJxJQoA9Wr2-yZAj4I6V0x3D0z6ddwtmbvpah6mqECPQSLOm4" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br></div><div>Brilliant. Happy New Year.</div><div><br></div><div>Few hours later along with some morphine and a couple of scans I was told that I’d fractured my coccyx. </div><div><br></div><div>Honestly you couldn’t make this up. I’m so angry with myself. I’ve literally been housebound, well bed bound for a month, the only place I’m semi comfortable is in bed. I’m also now the proud owner of a fucking pressure cushion. To make things just that bit worse my feet now keep going numb and my bladder appears to be in spasm.</div><div><br></div><div>It would appear that this year is going to be just as shit as last year.</div><div><br></div><div>2021 can fuck off, I’m done. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-63685648501186438962020-10-27T10:10:00.001-07:002020-10-27T10:10:13.379-07:00The good, the bad and cancerHad some amazing news just before my birthday at the end of September - my latest CT was stable, meaning that nothing had grown or spread, so the Tamoxifen is working - YAY!! <div><br></div><div>I celebrated for about a week, with a lot of eye rolling from Arron! </div><div><br></div><div>But something no longer feels right, last week I spent the best part of 6 days in bed with excruciating lower back pain. I was actually en route to my friends down south and had to pull in at the services to throw up and cry, very nearly booked a hotel but somehow got home that evening. At first I thought it was kidney pain as my kidney function has recently plummeted (little buggers have done this before and then bounced back so fingers crossed and all), but then I started feeling pain similar to that of Tax chemo side effects.</div><div>Codeine wasn’t cutting it, I felt sick allllll the time, luckily I managed to source some tramadol, which I stupidly took on an empty stomach...</div><div><br></div><div>Then randomly in the middle of the night my top lip started to swell, and I mean SWELL, as if I don’t have enough going on, and I was actually meant to be going to work that day -what are the bloody chances ??</div><div>So a quick trip to the doctors and a shot of adrenaline later I was back in bed, very upset, very frustrated and yep still in pain. </div><div><img id="id_556_3f45_5b1c_7a17" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/JnEP-jlAT4Dj9Uif3uxSOCyk8k0V2HqJU4t2WQBOaJ3ZUUpyR6mItKdAaeIFmvQ" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br></div><div>Friday we went away for a friends birthday which was lovely but in reality, I can’t do the normal things anymore that everyone around me can do. Don’t get me wrong there were no half marathons just a leisurely stroll through a city but it almost finished me off. I was crippled in pain, the sickness came back, my bones feel like they’re made of glass, and I get unbelievably tired sooooo quickly. So at around 9pm I went to bed, sober, on my mates bday, which is not like me at all, I’m usually the one demanding a final final. </div><div><br></div><div>Is this is now for me? Is this my new quality of living? I guess it’s only downhill from here... Yesterday I popped to my sisters to pick up my washing (yep can’t keep on top of only mine and Arrons washing so my sister did it for me), I literally drove there, sat down, drank about 5 pints of lemon water and drove home, can I get out of bed today? Nope, I’m absolutely done in.</div><div><br></div><div>Also somethings going on with my thirst, as in I can’t quench it, I’m literally drinking allllllll day, Ive dipped my urine and that’s ok, last months bloods were ok so god only knows what’s going on there -but I guess that’s for another day.</div><div><br></div><div>I just wanted my good news to be celebrated for a tiny bit longer before things got shit.</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-73077447264726846052020-07-11T15:13:00.001-07:002020-07-11T15:13:06.776-07:00Breaking PointSigh.<div><br></div><div>All of the shitty side effects have been for nothing. The nausea, rashes/blisters, migraines, UTIs, thrush, bone pain, stomach ache, fatigue, insomnia, abnormal heart rhythm, sore mouth, hair thinning the lot. All for nothing. The amount of time wasted in bed, all of the cancelled plans, the cancer has gotten worse, increased in size and stead further.</div><div><br></div><div>I now have tamoxifen for 3 months and if the next scans aren’t any better then it’s chemo.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m at an all time low. I’ve spent the last week in bed, can’t remember the last time I washed my hair, today I could barely open my eyes as I’ve had an allergic reaction to some bastard face wipes so I’ve spent all day in bed crying.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m done. </div><div><br></div><div>I have nothing left in me, the fight has gone. I’ve spent 6 years with this crap and it’s taken everything from me. I already know it’s spreading, my left hip now hurts, everything I have been through has been for nothing. I’m so drained all i can do is cry. It’s so consuming, my heart is so heavy, I have nothing left.</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-69268135774325513342020-06-16T12:05:00.001-07:002020-06-16T12:16:59.554-07:006 years 10 steps back6 whole years have passed since I was first diagnosed, 6 bloody years that’s a lonnnnng time and very little has changed. It still controls my life, I think about it when I’m trying to sleep and it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. How sad. <div><br></div><div>Bloody shit.</div><div><br></div><div>Treatment is fucking shit too, this new treatment plan has caused me nothing but crap. Every week headaches, migraines, water infections bla bla bla it can really get a girl down ...</div><div><br></div><div>Wouldn’t be so bad if it WASNT ALL FOR NOTHING</div><div><br></div><div>Yep, new in on Friday is that something “new” has appeared in my sacrum, brilliant.</div><div><br></div><div>It gets better, they aren’t sure what it is as the scan report is ambiguous. Excellent. Once again I one knows what’s going on and no one is capable of making a bloody decision.</div><div><br></div><div>It’s going for a second opinion on Thursday this week and I’ll get an asset on Friday. Apparently. Not going to hold my breath. </div><div><br></div><div>I think I’m covering all outcomes when I say</div><div><br></div><div>1. they still can’t decide but </div><div>a) I continue on current treatment</div><div>b) I start new treatment -tablet / injection </div><div>c) I have more chemo</div><div>d) I have more radiotherapy</div><div>e) I have more bone biopsies </div><div><br></div><div>2. It has got worse and is in fact more bone mets </div><div><div>a) I continue on current treatment</div><div>b) I start new treatment -tablet / injection </div><div>c) I have more chemo</div><div>d) I have more radiotherapy</div></div><div>e) I have more bone biopsies </div><div><br></div><div>3. They decide it’s not bone mets</div><div><div>a) I continue on current treatment</div><div>b) I start new treatment -tablet / injection </div><div>c) I have more chemo</div><div>d) I have more radiotherapy</div></div><div>e) I have more bone biopsies </div><div><br></div><div>4. They still have no idea what it is</div><div>a) I have more bone biopsies and they Danny about some more and I don’t sleep</div><div><br></div><div>Answers on a post card</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-23542301584747575522020-03-29T11:22:00.001-07:002020-04-13T12:12:37.020-07:00Covid23 days in (would have been 30 but before official shielding began I went to Helens for a night of red wine).<div><br><div>Like many, loads of shit has been cancelled, a family holiday to Spain (even Arron was excited about going), a trip to LA with Sammy -in fact we should be there now😩, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Ibiza, Crystal Maze, Gay Pride, 80’s-90’s Festival, the list goes on. What I do know is that the second we’re allowed were off to Jamaica followed by a much needed girls trip to Ibiza.</div><div><br></div><div>Wow I’m bored. It’s not like I haven’t done this before but this time it’s different, I have energy, I want to do stuff, well cleaning, I absolutely don’t want to do that, ever - lock down or not that’s not happening apart from the essentials - but well done to everyone else cleaning skirting boards and cupboards.. it’s just not for me....</div><div><br></div><div>I’ve mostly been filling my days with sleep (I now have to sleep alone as I’m “vulnerable”), watching TV - what the hell Carol Baskin....FaceTiming, meditating and good old fizz. Worst part is having to rely on Arron to do the shopping and therefor judging the bottles I’m getting through ...</div><div><br></div><div>It’s safe to say that the guys have loved having us (mainly Arron at home all day) But it does emphasise that I really need my girl dog Jackie Brown as I don’t get a look in</div><div><img id="id_56a0_7b76_6630_c163" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/Z1ItMc28K_-3DiSvyEXG5-Hl-VjemirOSWjG5Ngok1U7_XErzQEoEJuhCFWV-nU" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_3bdc_760b_e187_ce2a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/7AWoHijbKMs7Qsc1Pm2fFPpTDjSppo4G8IV86yTj1qz8EG4gQJl5Z1Pna88AV1E" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br></div><div>It has got me thinking though, Does anyone use the ribbon tie on a dressing gown?</div><div><div><br></div><div>Do the Kardashian’s use false lashes on the bottom lash- surely those aren’t natural?</div><div><br></div><div>I’ve carried out my own experiments on cheap fizz - skittles and the results are pretty surprising, red skittles were vile, and the top faves were green followed by purple - there you have it</div><div><img id="id_a75f_a1f7_9937_251a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Ototb-S4YQFt9kPrn1yOI--0boh_16G-AXVpp9NFsUTDhKQTFlk_MeQM1UEcX3g" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br></div><div>And having witnessed Arrons work voice, WOW, he uses phrases like key elements, networking and going forward. He also has the strangest telephone voice when speaking to “clients” and solicitors.....</div><div><br></div><div>Many an hour of TV watching has been consumed, jumped on the Tiger King band wagon and wasn’t disappointed, it raised 2 questions, 1) they don’t get bit to death and more hauntingly where are their teeth 😳 ooh and also, now I really really want/need some cowboy boots.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_afe6_7fe_3822_b680" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/eoXNIgXEoNcFRByqTBqc8fejSDh_0OEZhsx5UjMTCjj9hAis6K7MuUZOmkST8yg" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>But my saving grace has to be Schitt’s Creek, me amd Arron are both obsessed (special thanks to Sammy and Dave for the introduction)and there’s 5 lengthily series, it’s fantastic and should be watched by all.</div><div><br></div><div>Also partaken in some House Party activity, where I’ve mainly been rinsed for my animal print clothes collection and lack of general knowledge... but it makes missing friends and family that little bit easier,</div><div><img id="id_879c_1b5e_6374_75c8" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/Uv2iCEMtvoOdQUofo8PWIFVp-Q86gM3JtXyPxkgBf9NjnGlBiE489c1yCwHe0cU" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div><br></div><div>Easter was made even more fun for us as we were given a Lazy Spa by our friends Sarah and Wayne. I think I spent around 5 hours in it on Saturday -absolute game changer and just what I needed. Just need to get some cup holders and fairy lights and I’ll be well away and happy for the next 9 weeks.</div><div><img id="id_3ca4_509f_203f_e5c" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/AegiHw8BzlVUialVWNjgG_lAxsW_inN1FbTnEONGFb5O2qlPhHADXd9kOYuOh4Q" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><img id="id_cc35_14a3_d20c_ae6b" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/f6cBaz_kq8-Ffas8mk84ffcca0QNj65pQrcUJpDKxCby5aCx1aR9JrL5SJ77sm8" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br><img id="id_6846_d26d_8dfd_651f" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/gGJyxVnLcjMyvlHZIXIYyG_QRVzi-SbxMuRN2CDSNaTCgMUibM3KvRijneEuENA" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>But there to bring me back to Earth was the little reminder that I do have cancer in my bones (yawn), I’ve not been able to get up today due to bone pain in my back and hips, have a done some crying and feeling very sorry for myself. I try and remind myself that particularly at the moment I should be grateful for my health and there are a lot of people worse off... but it still sucks and is still extremely painful, I guess I’m starting to understand why I’m classed as vulnerable... not fun at all....</div><div><img id="id_ca32_4bb8_40f4_ae61" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/AvjtGNzmp6e-0dOBM1XFDT_8EJGSI-WH2Uu3ehK-58DNvbydhWPr4eWXJEsu8dY" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_ae00_759f_7543_54db" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/n8ii-YL46NGlkdXmpTXSh7snIrbtdW5qSoAelxNP5JTPKomFyM7fO9_D5JQ1Y58" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>It’s also brought on the ever attractive eczema in and around my face, with my eyes swelling so much I could barely open them this morning. Rebecca sent me a load of Moo Goo products last time so fingers crossed they work again and I’ll stop looking as scary.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_8c5f_3d56_ccd4_2e14" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/Z4424IfWRcicS8W3ZHIWL9SkBqLq4mfSBD02YQiAmZ34mxl-0KJ2Ewx9g3CtNoc" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br>The gift that keeps on giving ey, but today it does give me a free pass to eat my dinner in bed so not all bad I guess, if only I could find where Arron has hidden my bell for attention.....</div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-36468489217518468032020-02-23T11:37:00.001-08:002020-02-23T11:37:24.141-08:00BedArh bed. Most people dream of laying around sleeping most of the day.<div><br></div><div>I’m bored shitless. This week it’s a migraine and chest infection, I don’t think I can watch anymore TV, I’ve got to the point where I’m willing it to be 7pm just so I can take my sleeping tablets and even those effects are wearing off now.</div><div><br></div><div>I’ve never been so bored in all of my life. There’s plenty I could be doing around the house but that’s all I seem to do. I spend most of my days alone, I can’t remember the last person that came to visit, how sad is that? Nobility has well and truly worn off...</div><div><br></div><div>Guess people have ordinary lives to get on with and aren’t completely ruled by hospital appointments, medications and side effects.</div><div><br></div><div>At this precise time I’m not loving my life, just existing.</div><div><br></div><div>Fuck you cancer.</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-85157670794823865062020-01-08T12:15:00.001-08:002020-02-01T15:22:08.408-08:00Joyful JoyfulChristmas 2019<div><br></div><div>I bloody love Xmas, I’d keep my tree up all tear round if Arron would let me, I don’t buy into the whole bad luck thing, funnily enough.</div><div><br></div><div>22nd December I was at Burton A&E, exactly the same time as 2018, having the same x-Ray done on my left foot. Yep. The boot is back.</div><div><br></div><div>Christmas Day was actually lovely, I made Arron dress up as Santa, but Lolaah & George wouldn’t wake up so Arron stood outside from 6am-7am looking like a weirdo....</div><div><br></div><div>Dinner at my parents was lovely, the champagne flowed, there was barely any arguing, but then man flu hit me like a sledge hammer.</div><div><br></div><div>Fuck my actual life</div><div><br></div><div>I was looking forward to a Boxing Day night out, instead I spent the day alone ( it’s the one day of the year Arron actually likes going out so I wasn’t about to stop him ). I got up twice, to feed the guys. </div><div><br></div><div>One person text me all day to see if I was ok.</div><div><br></div><div>I did not leave my bed for days, maybe a week?</div><div><br></div><div>Xmas ruined. I was so angry with myself, the flu and my bastard left foot, again.</div><div><br></div><div>2020 had better be better, </div><div><br></div><div>Who am I kidding,</div><div><br></div><div>Fuck sake.</div><div><br></div><div>Who the fuck was I in a previous life </div><div><br></div><div>OR</div><div><br></div><div>Shit, I deserve this ?</div><div><br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-72552162675610997422019-10-25T13:57:00.001-07:002019-10-25T14:23:17.261-07:00Realisation <p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I have Stage 4 cancer.</p><p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px;"></p><p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">It will never be cured.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I am now classed as having palliative treatment.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">Fuck</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">Yup, bone mets have been confirmed in my spine, neck and pelvis. They’ve increased in size, so I’ve started new treatment. Two hormonal injections, 3 loading doses every 2 weeks, today was my second lot.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I actually found out two weeks ago, not that many people know, to be honest I can’t keep going over it. I’ve been trying to ignore it all if I’m honest but I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish. Have spent most days in bed. It’s funny how social media allows you to portray your life, I don’t think anyone would have known.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">It’s been horrible, actually, very lonely.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">New treatment comes with new side effects. Today I went back to the clinic, I had my injections - numb bum now for the next 10-12 days, and was given some fairly “good” news. I’ve been given funding for a new drug to run alongside the 2 new injections, the bone injection and the menopause implant I have. I’m the first in the trust to get it, just have to make sure that My heart is healthy enough first. Well it’s pretty fucking smashed at the minute...</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I will have to wait and see what that will bring, I’m told I could enjure a sore mouth, reduced white cell count, reduced liver and kidney function, hair loss, back pain.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">More bloody scans.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">More anxiety.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I didn’t really want much from life, I wasn’t particularly ambitious, I just wanted to be happy, I can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;">I wish I was anyone but me.</p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;"><br style="outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-touch-callout: none;"></p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;"><img id="id_d23f_4357_3986_80eb" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/CVWQCftCP8qFZZYvXGN0J3MsmTtg6vZZzIIOoCccSwho2GcWtfVc_n-hXng" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_de58_7e96_e151_296c" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/TIF-SNK_ifRCE3Gh5mkfvFJY9o9rvqWYBmTtFJRXCaLYxoqVZWNwQX2lFYg" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_f3d4_e00d_2692_3e15" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/fcbGyiwdmY03f5ZKMVWLGQWmJKvwQAzHB7yOMtaogh5VfvqawyJ5OQ1nD8s" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><img id="id_47f5_9291_544a_b2b" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/5dGJx9VgH_7exaEkGf737zzahQYgVLM05qCF3EfkmBwJBRfTgE1qfM44BJc" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br style="outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-touch-callout: none;"></p><p style="font-size: 16px; outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-touch-callout: none; line-height: 24px; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 24px; caret-color: rgb(45, 45, 45); color: rgb(45, 45, 45); font-family: "Noto Serif", sans-serif;"><br style="outline: transparent solid 0px; -webkit-touch-callout: none;"></p><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"> The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-36371778799510922752019-10-10T17:04:00.001-07:002019-10-10T17:04:13.846-07:00I don’t even know what to call it Friday 27th September, 2 days before my birthday I attended the oncology clinic for my CT results.<div><br></div><div>The CT scan I’d had 6 weeks prior, I assumed that no news was good news, if it was bad they’d have called, surely? Well that’s what the radiography team told me..</div><div><br></div><div>So I’m sat in the waiting room, where I’ve spent many an hour shitting myself, sleeping, bored, contemplating life... </div><div><br></div><div>That day I’d forgotten my I Pad, I’d planned to catch up on Power, but instead I’m clock watching. My appointment time comes and goes, one of the nurses comes out from the clinic and amends the board, Oncology Clinic delayed by 60 minutes..... brilliant, so now I’m here waiting with a load of people past retirement age, all looking at me wondering if I’m in the right place. Then my bottom lip goes</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_7215_de7d_1970_95a0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/5eb3KSQU5NSFmsdyTsHQpbY-e8cnukIopiQ0uMMeLbUFEk5xp8PEkmGCcp4" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>I’m called in.</div><div><br></div><div>Fuck.</div><div><br></div><div>I sit in the room with the registrar, she asks the general questions, how have I been, am I in pain, any new side effects, how am I coping with my current treatment? I reply all is well, (I can’t really moan that I fucking hate the menopause, I feel like an old lady, the hot sweats are awful, I spend most of my days feeling disgusting and an absolute mess, I have a baggy hormonal stomach, my hair and nails are shit, my mood swings are insane and I wish for just one night I could fall to sleep relatively early or just like a normal person, without the use of sleeping pills, alcohol or CBD.</div><div><br></div><div>The she ever so casually tells me that there has been some changes to my most recent scan.</div><div><br></div><div>What the fuck.</div><div><br></div><div>Ok. Wasn’t 100% prepared for that.</div><div><br></div><div>No one has called me, the only reason I have an appointment today is because Arron made one for me. </div><div>she then tells me that she’s unsure of the next stage as it hasn’t even gone to MDT and says that she will go and find out, leaving me alone.</div><div><br></div><div>With the report on the screen.</div><div><br></div><div>Fucking shitty fuck sticks. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_e5aa_38e0_d874_c908" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/78KlsxJU6150Pomomh_-tTtAMWLMka_-rtti2r0zUZq6kejDuEVtpp1bgbE" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>Well.</div><div><br></div><div>She returns and tells me that it needs to go to MDT the following Thursday, and they will have me back in clinic the next day, and the hands me a tissue.</div><div><br></div><div>I hand in my appointment card to reception and burst into tears, she’s lovely and tells me that They’ll write to me so I don’t have to stand in oncology reception crying. I then proceed to the toilet and throw up. And cry. And when someone else comes into the toilet I put my hand over my mouth so I don’t make a noise and when they leave I cry some more. </div><div><br></div><div>Time passes and I become angry, I decide to go back into the clinic and demand to see my Consultant. I do a bit more crying and before long I’m sat in the quiet room with a cup of tea - even had sugar in it. </div><div><br></div><div>My consultant calls me through after another hour or so. </div><div><br></div><div>Christ this is such a long winded story.. bare with me.</div><div><br></div><div>She tells me yes there have been some changes to my spine and pelvis. She reminded me that they were never 100% sure if it was bone mets, she also said that it might not be, but also that we might never know for 100%. More tears.</div><div>Then she told me that she wanted to discuss it at MDT but was away the following week, so she would delay it until she was back (which is actually today - 2 weeks later). If after MDT they’d decided my treatment should change, she would personally phone me, if nothing would change, she would see me at my next scheduled appointment in November. Knowing that I was due my bone injection the following Thursday so asked me to get cancer markers done via a blood test. She then asked how I was, how Arron was, what I was doing for my birthday, told me that if she could prescribe champagne, she would. I did some more crying, and she very kindly prescribed me a short court of sleeping pills.</div><div><br></div><div>I cried all the way home. Met Arron at home and drove to London for my birthday weekend.</div><div><br></div><div>After lots of fizz and Karaoke we were back home and impending doom set in. Thursday I went for my bone injection.</div><div><br></div><div>Bloody waiting room again</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_1bc1_25a5_1497_5309" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/8-e9StyEWGeGapsN-vy8rhQE9CS38Q8K2ez8xNApCzd3VN4pOoljbQDn-A8" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br></div><div>An hour and a half passed, I see a friendly face, one of the chemo nurses, she calls my name. In I go,</div><div><br></div><div>Niceties over, I’m told that I’m all good to go a head with my bone injection. This means that my Vitamin D and calcium are all good. I nervously ask about the cancer markers.....</div><div>The nurse takes a moment to look at the computer and says that she can’t interpret the results. </div><div><br></div><div>Part of me is relieved because I get more time in a non terminal world. The nurse inside me (yep it’s there somewhere) tells me that the computer system would flag up shit results and she’s not telling me. She’s lovely and says that she will get a specialist nurse to phone. She said that she would hand deliver my name and number to her. Probably because at this point I’m crying hysterically and causing a bit of a scene. On the up I’m told that my kidney function is now back in the 90’s !! (Post Ibiza it went down to 60ish...)</div><div><br></div><div>I have the injection, say bye to everyone, Do a little cry and head home. And wait for the phone call.</div><div><br></div><div>The phone call never comes.</div><div><br></div><div>Today my scans were seen at MDT. My oncologist didn’t call. That’s good right? Or is it bad news but she’s seen that they’ve accidentally booked me an appointment the following day (tomorrow). Or does it genuinely mean that there’s no changes after all to my scans which means no changes to my current treatment?</div><div><br></div><div>I waited all day for a phone call. Never came,</div><div><br></div><div>This is good right? Or is it?</div><div><br></div><div>I’m absolutely our of my mind. My mom asked me to call her last night, my first thought was that she’d somehow found out something and wanted to speak to me. Then I was messaging one of my friends and I convinced myself that because she works for the trust, she 100% knows something but can’t tell me.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m actually insane.</div><div>I’ve lost it.</div><div>I’m fully aware of this, and yet I can’t stop.</div><div><br></div><div>It’s now 1am, and there’s so sign of me getting any sleep tonight. I want to hide. No actually I want to jump on a plane, see everything, go everywhere. Sit in the sea in 7 mile beach and watch the birds catch the fish, the. Meditate and watch the sun set.</div><div><br></div><div>Tonight might actually be the last night before the chaos starts once again.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m stuck on a merry go ride, I want get get off, but I can’t.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_ea77_9d4a_98da_746" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/7zw3HMoJhb0WUYuJ5_9g2kf8CNXkpuiD2Rr4SAD5DO3GhTnH-H5bWARbiu4" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><br><br><br><br></div><div><br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-28093744202499074992019-08-02T10:16:00.001-07:002019-08-02T11:53:22.391-07:00Is it any wonder To say I’ve been a nightmare lately is an understatement.<br>
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Massively.</div>
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To be honest I don’t know how I’m still married.</div>
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Feeling fabulous one minute then smashing anything I can get my hands on, all happening within 12-24hours a part, seriously. Absolutely crazy and irrational, some days I cried at the thought of even getting out of bed, I didn’t want to see anyone or do anything, which is not me at all, in fact, if I actually went to work and earnt some money I would have happily have checked into a hotel for a few days/weeks. My kind of behaviour is very selfish, poor Arron, he works so hard and stupidly long hours and on top of that he is doing a masters in Law.</div>
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It’s nothing I can put my finger on, just how I feel, and it’s hard to talk about becuase my cancer train is long gone, apparently. People are now bored of hearing it. It’s been years, I should be grateful, I’m lucky.</div>
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Any who, as lucky as I am, I think it might be down to the biopsy I had taken recently, and my jaw continuing to crumble through my gum preventing me from having the bone injection for my “bone mets”, (the saga continues), my kidney function plummeting to 55 and wondering what joy dialysis will bring me, seeing a registrar for the first time in clinic and hearing her say over and over that I do have bone mets doesn’t do anything for your mental well being. That teamed with the ever looming 6 monthly CT scan, and having not had the bone injection for 10 months now, if it is mets then it will be spreading everywhere by now, so I did the only logic and sensible thing.</div>
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I cancelled my CT scan.</div>
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Then earlier this week I was feeling ok. So I decided to re book, rational me knows that I’m delaying the inevitable, I’m going to have to have the scan at some point. If it has spread then surely it’s better to know sooner rather than later? Or is it? Who knows. </div>
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Then I remind myself that these 6 monthly scans haven’t changed at all in 5 years.... and I think about the lovely bone biopsy I had that came back clear, and the surgeon who told me on the phone was very clear in telling me that, so I was on a high for a few weeks, then I went back to the orthopaedic hospital for the check up on the wound, and saw a different surgeon to the one that phoned me.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
He wasnt as convinced with the lab results. He said it was like having a bag full of oranges and one lemon, it’s likely that you’ll pick the orange, it doesn’t mean that the lemon isn’t there....</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
This is your life.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
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I’m trying, I mean I’m really trying, but inside I’m screaming.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Am I bipolar? Or is it a combination of the many side effects of some of my daily medication?</div>
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<br></div>
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Is it any wonder I like the odd glass of champagne.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
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Get me to that swim up bar.</div>
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The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-24171214412739651072019-06-28T15:06:00.001-07:002019-07-02T15:09:22.556-07:00Five years on In July 2014 I longed for the time to pass, I longed for 2,3,4,5 years down the line. At least then I’d know, well I’d either be all good or, well dead.<div>Today I went to see my oncologist, well I saw a registra I’ve never met, she was keen to tell me all about my bone mets. I tried to stress that the biopsy came back clear, my actual real life oncologist (consultant) has always said that she didn’t believe that it was bone mets, my initial scans were exactly the same as the one that got reported on upon my diagnosis and were dismissed, my bone scan are all clear, and above all I have no symptoms.</div><div><br></div><div>Nope, apparently I have bone mets. I’ve not had a bone injection for 10 months becuase my incompetent dentist decided to pull my tooth, so now I have to wait to get yet another CT scan to see if the “bone mets” have increased or spread to other organs, I think this is CT No 16.</div><div><br></div><div>This whole thing is wearing very thin. Most days now I want to stay in bed, the light inside of me is dim.</div><div><br></div><div>I’ve had enough.</div><div>Seriously.</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-11887101983575324062019-02-09T14:47:00.001-08:002019-02-09T14:47:36.844-08:00What ifWhat tonight was your last night?<div>You’re last night of feeling “ok”</div><div><br></div><div>Might be alien to some but who’s felt like giving up or felt like this could be it? Not in A dramatic way, but had that news where everything changes?</div><div><br></div><div>Would you be brutally honest?</div><div>Would you spare everyone’s feelings?</div><div><br></div><div>What would you say? </div><div><br></div><div>What would you do?</div><div><br></div><div>Imagine what you’ve done today - is that what you’d hoped for your last day? </div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-27634438486515454422018-11-08T16:35:00.001-08:002018-11-21T03:20:39.702-08:00The gift that keeps on givingTuesday morning I woke up to a parking ticket, I blame the man down the road who feels the need to have FOUR cars and a bike and an overnight visitor - and only ever parks one on his drive, I’m appealing it but anyway not a great start.<div><br></div><div>Then I went to the hospital, good old Burton Queens aka my second home (the hospital I didn’t even know how to get to days before my diagnosis / I could get there with my eyes shut now) for my 6 monthly CT scan, joy. As per they don’t give anything away so I’ll have to wait for my appointment in December for my results and spend the next 6 weeks panicking every time my phone rings #scanxiety YAY. </div><div><br></div><div>So that was fine, on my way out I decided to nip to the dental to chase up my referral from months ago - as in May time. Apparently I’d missed my appointment for 31st October so they’d discharged me. Funny that, because I didn’t get a letter or a text, they then admitted that some of the letters hadn’t been sent so it wasn’t actually my fault. Bless the receptionist she went above and beyond to get me seen that day by a consultant dentist. </div><div><br></div><div> Right, finally getting somewhere. Before seeing the dentist I was sent for an x-ray of my mouth, which I’ve already had at my own dentist (and paid for) but I guess they have to check. When I went in to see that dentist she was surprised to see the root was still left in my gum and asked me if they’d ever attempted to remove it, obviously I said no. She then asked about my past medical history obviously I was in there about half an hour, I got the usual oh my God you’ve been through so much oh my God you’re so young blah blah blah. I told her that I have bone</div><div>Injections for suspected bone metastasis, to which she replied she was absolutely disgusted with my dentist as in fact he should never have removed my tooth, due to the circumstances this is something that should only be done in the hospital by consultant dentist such as herself.</div><div><br></div><div>Brilliant.</div><div><br></div><div>I should have never had the bastard thing taken out and it’s probably cost me over £300 and 7-8 courses of antibiotics.</div><div><br></div><div>so what’s next? Oh just a little explorative surgery on my gum so now I’ve got to have my gum cut open to see what’s going on and then check it hasn’t gone into the bone, so it could mean that I have now got to stop having my bone injections because I’m at risk of my jaw wasting away.</div><div><br></div><div>That’s fine, clearly I don’t want my jaw wasting away but what’s going to happen with the suspected bone metastasis? without the monthly bone injection (if they are in fact by metastasis) they’re going to fucking grow and spread.</div><div><br></div><div>Today I received a phone call asking me to attend hospital on Friday this week for a CT scan of my face excellent, I think this brings me up to about 20 maybe 25 scans in the last four years. So now not only do I have to wait for my full body results just before Christmas I’ve now got to wait-and-see if my jaw has been affected,</div><div><br></div><div>Also not to mention that I now have a lovely gap in my smile line and I’m guessing no one will come near me to put an implant in.</div><div><br></div><div>I think I’ll stop there I’ve rented enough and im running late for my menopause implant, smear and flu jab.</div><div><br></div><div>One final note though .....</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>can anybody recommend a good fucking dentist????</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-71217150649441468942018-08-18T16:44:00.001-07:002018-08-18T16:44:20.578-07:002018 what happens nextSo far...so good...I guess ....so why does it feel like a ticking time bomb? 3 + years since it all “ended” and yet the end sight feels light years away. It’s over isn’t it? I should be moving on.... how is that even possible when every little little thing takes me back to that place, tired? Must be cancer, back ache from sleeping in a tent - must be bone mets, gum that won’t heal - must be cancer, ache in the back of my heel - must be cancer ...<div><br></div><div>Sounds stupid right?</div><div><br></div><div>So did a tiny indent in my left breast months after loosing my baby.</div><div><br></div><div>Is this my life now, yes.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-66454816566442131802017-11-29T15:37:00.001-08:002017-12-01T18:38:59.756-08:00I do I do I doJust got back from MY wedding rehearsal, MY wedding!! I still can’t quite believe is happening - but it is in 3 more get ups.<div><br></div><div>Wow</div><div><br></div><div>Who’s have thought it- not me, defiantly not Arron but yet here we are. Wow, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, the first time I saw Arron was in a night club (he knew me from school but I don’t remember... infact he came to one of my house parties -sorry Mom and dad).... I remember thinking that he looked like Brian Friedman and that he was way out of my league... fast forward 6 months and we were in Blackpool together - the place of romance obvs ...</div><div><br></div><div>Bloody hell, I’m actually getting married, like an actual grown up.....</div><div><br></div><div>Friday 1st December</div><div>Almost ready to go set up at the hall, Ive had some of my bridesmaids round doing the “last minute” (most of everything that needs doing oops) jobs.... and drinking fizz, Arron,bless him has been bullied within an inch of his life but Jas got all the blue jobs done and got the champagne in -played. Next up is to decorate the hall, I don’t feel nervous at all -os that strange? Maybe I will later, I feel like I should be, maybe it will just hit me at some point... probably when I see my dad. </div><div><br></div><div>Right we’re off to the hall, wish me luck....</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com93tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-49902339184447708252017-09-06T01:52:00.019-07:002017-09-14T10:25:40.933-07:003 of 4 the final stretch <p>So today's the day I get my expanders swapped for actual, real, permanent boobs!! Finally - ??? Days since they were chopped off and thrown in the bin (hopefully insinerated if I'm honest, bastard boobs) anyway today is the day!! Whoop whoop !!
</p>
<p>It also happens to be the day that Arron goes on his stag, naturally, and so he is out of the country for 4 days.... good job I have my girls and my dad.</p>
<p>Speaking of dad he'll be here any second to take me so I'd best hurry up - I'm trying to do the whole I have no makeup on (=it's taken me 45 minutes of make up to perfect this look and I still look like shit...)</p>
<p>So dads gone, I've seen the nurse, anaesthetist and my surgeon (boo hiss the fit Reg won't be assisting today) but I now have 2 consultants operating on me - princessey or what! I have asked the age old question about taking more fat than they need (and suggested maybe a little (a lot) off the thighs, knees... arms.... chin...) and I got the standard nervous laugh reply, IM DEADLY SERIOUS! I have a wedding dress to wear in exactly 85 days, plus an abroad hen weekend with a load of skinny bitches...</p>
<p>So that's me done until after the op, did someone say general anaesthetic (whoop whoop)....</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-7iJ8LE0-Ie8/WbOR2br4I0I/AAAAAAAAA7k/A4Ax5QRDGt0glXwK0x_L6SfCsMyc3JJwwCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uuz7FhYQrTs/WbOR3v1Uk2I/AAAAAAAAA7o/8qlZXnuulqEc-0132e1kU6HTKyBzb-ydQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-XlfHzIw2iHQ/WbOR4hp4_OI/AAAAAAAAA7s/Clxg_A984zw3qG7yExFSsYwgxAAlLdvPACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4sZb-KMQejI/WbOR9AQSGxI/AAAAAAAAA7w/z_ih-LlFbzgk1qLJr-YpNiG8LPix2ReXACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>17:00pm</p>
<p>Ouch. No actually Jesus f-ing wept this is painful, have I forgotten how painful all the other times have been? Has my pain threshold disintegrated? Or is it because I'm massively overdue morphine, and no one will hurry the hell up with it - obvs not the nurses they are fabulous,it's the bloody doctors probably pretending that their all busy and shit. I NEED THE DRUGS. Ok now I'm being very princessey but I am also crying in pain whilst trying to hold it together because it's visiting time and I'm really missing the boy, </p>
<p>Fabulous fabulous nurse got hold of a doctor and I've had a nice blast of the good stuff so now I just have to relax and wait for mom and Hollie to get here.</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-YsisWo3FeBM/WbOTqlqJc3I/AAAAAAAAA78/F68nsV90VfcRzdi1wk_ldEknbOyGkKsNACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>Fit.</p>
<p>But first it's dinner time... yum, what on earth.... I'm not a fussy eater, at all, but come on....</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZSipjYfV488/Wbflq4kMu1I/AAAAAAAAA8k/6oYLtbbEbI8TxGMsfX4UG7tpny8ga1wZgCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-YQ_IkfG_0_I/Wbflt3-Eo4I/AAAAAAAAA8o/f-5ZEVy2gCw9FFgXZsPtSP-PB52YtwRegCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>I can't decide if it's meant to be custard or some sort of a custard jelly ?? Think I'll stick to the tea.... </p>
<p>So my visitors have gone, was lovely to see them -mom Hollie and Lolaah, and I've been stocked up with Diet Coke, crisps and picnic chocolate bars - yum. I now have that nice floaty feeling but the pain is starting to kick in on my hips from the fat transfer aka lipo, I'm loving the profile bed though - legs elevated not a swollen ankle in sight!!</p>
<p>Might go and get changed out of this gown and put my PJ's on, and obviously get a few pictures ....</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rza9syvdofM/WbfmKhnSwJI/AAAAAAAAA8s/b18_yYCei8QsKnUwlCG0hWpZQrWESEg6ACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-XGEoGP8NsnE/WbfmLWwohDI/AAAAAAAAA8w/yrYRpvm85u8NZ01aL1nWUVaJqWCipFxaQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-woANNbdIsGw/WbfmMbgDvWI/AAAAAAAAA80/13ej-sp41YsdmNq-G5qs6F0TQzqNExF6gCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>They're so much softer than the expanders were, they feel like actual boobs! Never had bruising like this before though but I guess they've pulled the expanders out and then squeezed the new implants in, I can't imagine that they're very delicate when they do it ...</p>
<p>I'd forgotten how painful the fat transfer was, the bruising is already pretty bad, bad enough that I can't lie on my side anymore and my hips are soooooo swollen and rock hard....</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DGhebzzPzH0/Wbfm9C4J7AI/AAAAAAAAA88/Khuv75CrehATEKEWWZM7ypQJvZHcAJ2hACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-JYDuLatKysI/WbfnEPBpBqI/AAAAAAAAA9A/eGdNYN0c3HgTZIocCKGP6wFDEECnpDRKgCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PNGuvkCvgdo/WbfnFF7SqKI/AAAAAAAAA9E/VjqZlyToa80EtZnXmbeXhIWgFvZEXQeMgCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uuJF-6T6bww/WbfnGPsb7fI/AAAAAAAAA9I/FYVJDwmncfMzB4AjLTcU4bDvOVubwWF4wCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>But who cares - I've made a new best friend in the form of the night care assistant, she's kindly lent me him-</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lU2tL4NjbAs/WbfnifR1iYI/AAAAAAAAA9M/RGr4iF0-ZdMrb6OnFVu5p7fZaIyqzUaaACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>So now I can have a proper amount of tea rather than 3 mouthfuls ... arh maybe she's given it me so that I stop using the bell to ask for more tea.... who cares I'm happy</p>
<p>I might try and get a bit of sleep, the woman opposite went down to theatre not long ago so everyone will be woken up upon her return .....</p>
<p>03:00am</p>
<p>No chance of getting ANY sleep. Between the nurses chatting/opening and closing doors as loud as they possibly can, the poor lady next to me who can't get in and out of her bed on her own and the bloody mattress that beeps every 5 minutes for what seems like an hour, I'm lying here willing someone to come and ask if I want a drink ...</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_uXpVdcXqm8/WbgP3vFqwaI/AAAAAAAAA9g/NAvLbNS5GBcKSBDU0D4ddBeu6mNF7_HnACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-aeVjCQQ8GFs/WbgP585LRAI/AAAAAAAAA9k/CqYS59MEXZAc-bkAE3T6iuKgmJ8-R5OMACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>06:00am</p>
<p>To make matters worse it took 3 trips out of bed and pressing my buzzer twice to finally get some analgesia - 1 3/4 hours to be precise. Man it's painful, I'm nackered and I miss the boy. Yep moody pants are officially in situ.</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>11:15am</p>
<p>God bless the day nurse (Kath?) she's amazing, sorted out my pain relief got the pharmacist to come and sort my TTO's and turned that bloody mattress off!!!!! Amen to that!! Might get a bit of sleep now until it's time to go home...</p>
<p>Or I could stay awake and talk to the other fascinating women on the ward with me, I think I'll do that, sleep is over rated anyway, and the lady opposite me got married 2 weeks Ago so I need to hear all of the details and get some hints and tips....</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>1800</p>
<p>I'm home!! Well at mom and dads with lolaah and George and Barbara, just waiting for my Rhian to come and pick me up and get me home, can't wait to see her face and spoon in bed.</p>
<p>Sunday 10th September (very late and feeling very nicely strange from the meds)</p>
<p>I've had the BEST weekend!! Loads of wedding stuff sorted, have been looked after by mom and my girls and now I'm drinking tea and eating walnut, date and cherry cake in bed (thanks Grams), and thankfully I've had all my meds (as you can see in the picture below)..</p><p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3FaU3f0zTDA/Wbq4usoyDMI/AAAAAAAAA-c/kbu1G2lbu00TxVjgYdKTIoV5AwWjTRXDwCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>Saturday was spent doing wedding crafts ( I watched mainly whilst being waited on - standard) Rhian did an amazing job with the table plan / name places / table numbers and the other girls have dresses up my jars with lace and various other bits and bobs - I love them! Then the bridesmaids tried on their dresses*- all looking gorgeous!! We even had help from the smalls </p>
<p>*one bridesmaid missing 😢</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1BrDnYHIVHQ/WbnD8awDDFI/AAAAAAAAA90/JA14E2JMsYY84lImmrKnzubUz-_e8weIQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>I was well and truly spoilt ❤️</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HOBLd-agOSI/WbnGEJE-BCI/AAAAAAAAA-A/QjCqBkqNOBkhJnmpeTNrXEu3sTLA7kiTACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>But to be fair the bruising is pretty painful and looks horrendous, hopefully this is it at it's worst and from now on it'll get better...</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-A9AVPXnIKd0/WbnGZlittII/AAAAAAAAA-E/Itk4Qbs6gjE3ssjacXdmnpGKbSjCo674ACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>Sleeping is pretty much impossible even with the medication...</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-E7Ob-Grc_9w/WbnG8PdQI0I/AAAAAAAAA-M/eLIS-mTmMx8LG99SQw-v4syUM0nW8RX5wCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p>I am starting to feel better, well Hollie painted my toenails so all is well with the world once again phew. I just can't wait until I can lie on my side! I need to hurry up and heel - my hen party is just over 2 weeks away - I need these bruises to be gone and the swelling wants to do one too, literally can't wait to get Edna (my flamingo pool buddy) and float about in the pool, sun on my face, gin in my hand .... bliss </p>
<p>But for now I have loads of wedding stuff to do, well that's when I'm not distracted by box sets.. and bloody online shopping, must stop shopping ... £300 SSP does not go far ... not sure I'm ready to delete my ASOS/Zara/Next/Topshop apps just yet - thank god BooHoo don't have an app... although my details are remembered when I go on the website via Safari - totally not my fault..</p>
<p>So hopefully that's it, all done - apart from nipples and possible hysterectomy but might give myself next year off, wow I have boobs!! I'm sure I'll write more especially once the dressings are off but for now, wow!! 🌈</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-iFiwpGQJDw0/Wbq7Q5z3XVI/AAAAAAAAA-o/JGB9eYUvV_wuCQtGhz4X0KIFoRthVSe_QCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4j3D1gX2z0M/Wbq7SuAF6rI/AAAAAAAAA-s/-ujAOVttNHcMyb7vX4OMmZrg-caYMc1pwCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Q9YBWGEQ34k/Wbq7TdVcQMI/AAAAAAAAA-w/mb0-4gN7U3kdlR4uVUt_I7jxUxJYhQ1tQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9tCt8RFXn1Q/Wbq7UEcA6wI/AAAAAAAAA-0/qNKSoFDKrhYU3gokMBZeUUwdoU8O8MDCQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-6Ii81oKgv3o/Wbq7U8C4NXI/AAAAAAAAA-4/lqu0Qw0lCVY9zobokeo3zN4QvbTlIXiowCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OQUeKMqx3V8/Wbq7V1QmV6I/AAAAAAAAA-8/LJ2imVUV0UQz8tNrRb-6AQlGdjhCp0t4gCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-01sR_APvo2g/Wbq7WxcHAyI/AAAAAAAAA_A/N70_6ag1ussjHZcRQtY-1OYmqIzrtjuLQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-nxjAmYbTqss/Wbq7Xi92uFI/AAAAAAAAA_E/ZpgD7tDdYykgtKLlLsq6XGdwqSXCEMyxgCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-89816620338676555212017-07-28T15:29:00.010-07:002017-09-11T12:19:49.596-07:00 Pump up the volume <p>Part one </p>
<p>07/06/2017</p>
<p>Not sure if I'm excited or nervous, maybe a bit of both but today's the first pump up! I have no idea what to expect - I'm guessing it's instant, well duh it's not a gradual thing is it (realised what I just wrote!!). I'm going on my own so big girl pants on..... </p>
<p>Done! Wasnt as painful as I thought, but then it's only been a couple of hours, I saw my lovely surgeon (I have 2 now - they do a side each), everything is planned precisely - he doesn't want anyone else touching them and wants the same team each time so the schedule is pretty tight (I wonder how annoyed they'll be when I tell them that I might be going on holiday to surprise my sister for her 30th...) He played with the magnet to find the port (I've done the same at home) and literally stuck a huge needle in the top of my tit and inflated!! I'm already LOVING them!! And yes it was instant ... and they're plasters not stick on nipples (cheers Arron)...</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-49JJ0YTJ1FY/Wa-3t5qU7sI/AAAAAAAAA6s/BRNlZhj-cTY4AygAGP3xlXsLCaqbFgEYACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-v4HqvW9RB7k/Wa-3vH3KJiI/AAAAAAAAA6w/lMi4PvfUqJUbrKjacCr-OgOLw3_7HmR2QCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""></p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QrRy59d99Hs/Wa-3tKMXsjI/AAAAAAAAA6o/cKJmmQ3DiJwjKvtCwk_PmMhxf7vCCigDwCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><br></p>
<p>28/6/2017</p>
<p>Yup I went to teneriffe so I missed my next pump up, but in my defence I needed the sun and a pool .... and cava, lots of cava, it was sooo bloody nice not having to worry about being flat and checking if my bikini top was covering the scars the whole time - any who I rocked up to my next appointment with Wendy, same again only slightly more this time, ouch, ouch, ouch.</p>
<p>I was a model patient, I let the student nurse get involved and have a feel and in return my lovely surgeon let me have a go myself (obvs not on my own but let me pump up some others). Actually starting to look like boobs now !! Arron keeps having to do a double take, well actually it's a bit of a joke now because every time he works away I have bigger boobs when he gets home..</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3615HrsTciU/Wa-3-lCR60I/AAAAAAAAA60/71pqQYvhjgo8tcxc115gJc65TK1arWUdgCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><br></p>
<p>12/07/2017</p>
<p>And again!! So now they're bloody massive!! And they literally don't move AT ALL!! As in I can jump up and don't and they don't budge!! Some of my clothes are tighter and I can just about zip my uniform up! But i feel soooo much better in myself, I feel like I can stand straight again and my shoulders aren't hunched over trying to hide non boobs, it's amazing, painful, but amazing!!</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4v_uPI7qmOg/Wa-4MIsOMCI/AAAAAAAAA64/EYY8xwmL0LcOXh8JvRvQbJzk4Z1ukxs7QCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HhiIK0FO_jY/Wa-4nDthOHI/AAAAAAAAA7E/HQ3jgD6y-L8Ls6rLISLsfMhFH7RpaJobwCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><br></p>
<p>28/07/2017</p>
<p>Final pump,</p>
<p>Amen. Thank god, they are officially enormous!! I never thought I would like big boobs but I'm loving it!! I know my "proper" implants won't be this big but I'm honestly not bothered in the slightest about them looking fake, they're amazing!!!! I mean look!!!</p>
<p>I need to seriously put some work into my new available personal space, as in I keep twatting them on door frames/ furniture/ car doors and it's very painful !! </p>
<p>To be fair obviously they're fake, they look and feel fake but they make clothes look so much better, even if my nieces refer to them as rocks or stones!!</p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Lds03sV7L70/Wa-5FILMqiI/AAAAAAAAA7M/z9wEI2cHlFs0KkcGwpkKRGirPWMrEUJ2ACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p>
<p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Ul7tQ4Oi5Oc/WbWgXD7LbyI/AAAAAAAAA8M/mT9C57Dkj0AXPpBywCxPxgbHwJ2YNXj2gCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-dKoDFzLa0_k/WbWgYX92TII/AAAAAAAAA8Q/jej73erqomgZwQgvcNk4OD8tOcQj68OeQCHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p><p>Not long to go now either until they're swapped for permanent ones - 7th September all going well! Eeeekkk </p>
The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-73646312064749204202017-05-10T14:25:00.002-07:002017-05-18T02:49:30.277-07:00The boob (job) diaries <p><br></p><p><b><u>Tuesday 9th May 2017</u></b></p><p>Today Is my surgery day!!!! By the time I go to bed tonight I will have something that resembles breasts and will no longer have a concave chest... oh and I get to have a general anaesthetic- all I do is win win win!! </p><div><br></div><div>My hospital bag (case) is once again packed and I've shaved and tanned and got my lace knickers ready and also a tonne of magazines and a selection of nail varnish, urgh that's probably the worst bit- no varnish allowed ... although Hollie is on stand by to re paint as soon of physically possible.</div><div><br></div><div>I have around 45mins to eat as many sweets as I can before I'm Nil by mouth but at least I can keep the tea coming until 6am... I don't think I'm nervous about the actual surgery, I'm fairly laid back about that, although I wish I'd discovered that my softies look great when sewn into a lace bralet (thanks Rhian) typical Aimee style I only discovered this 2 bloody weeks ago... obviously I want boobs so my clothes fit better, I'm just not looking forward to the frequent visits to the breast clinic to get them pumped up, going there just brings back horrible memories.... to be completely 100% honest I can wait to have a GA....</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Tuesday 9th May 0830am</u></b> </div><div>So today's the day!! I've just been taken through to the waiting area, Arrons had to leave as it's female only, which to be honest is bloody stupid and totally heartless, I could be waiting here all day, on my own, and it's not like I'm only having my bloody tonsils out.... there's another girl here too who looks like she might cry, not sure what she's having done, I really think they should sort this out, it's not good for a girls anxiety. We've been through the basics, am I who I should be? Am I having the correct surgery, check check check, so now I just need my gown, stockings and to see the surgeon. I really hope I'm first on the list or today is going to be dull, ooh the nurse has picked up a huge pile of notes, must be mine...</div><div><br></div><div>Yep they were mine, I'm now suited and booted in a lovely gown and dressing gown, complete with a "wrist" band around my ankle. Bye bye flat chest... hello flatish/rock hard/ swollen/painful expanders... still have no idea where I am on the list (please be first please be first) but I have to lock everything away now, including my phone, </div><div><br></div><div>See you on the other side ......</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_889d_a378_d7ff_dcfb" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-x2sUxLcqntk/WRS--MX2n7I/AAAAAAAAA4Q/oXDQuso4Jk0jQX8CKPL8c-86-8F5udMowCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><p><img id="id_224c_c00e_c7fc_eb61" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-tO_BN9fDxh4/WRS-8ZC15JI/AAAAAAAAA4M/A1tfvGWc9MYrQOUcrYNOq1f8CIG2aHMyQCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_dd7c_e336_73e4_6c8" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_bYZd925-FE/WRS_B6X13mI/AAAAAAAAA4U/tE2dSQvhm7IEbLwCPDFFDM53xPDeEJP6gCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_260c_9525_e422_bb62" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-mttxf2Uxh0U/WRS_CyBVWuI/AAAAAAAAA4Y/TeOZTzGu4z0_e2TY30T6DmZKt62D551LACHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </p><div><br></div><div><b><u>22:04pm</u></b></div><div><br></div><div>It's all done!!! All went ok and this time I dont even remember them taking the tube out of my throat -get in! I had the standard post anaesthetic melt down in recovery and then passed out, woke up again crying in pain, had a blast on some morphine and passed out again, next thing I know its 1430pm ish and i'm on the ward in a more comfy bed with the nurse telling me that she's called Arron to let him know that I'm ok and he can visit later.</div><div><br></div><div>Phew all done, bloody hell my chest hurts!! Keep that morphine coming!! I've had a quick peek to me they look massive but obviously they're not, I think I might even have some sort of uni boob situation going on ....</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_1f95_d623_be8d_82cd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-n6x4rnpxkNc/WRXjxWWtOnI/AAAAAAAAA4o/i-Xh_WKvHTU_d9q3O4jhVVCEuui1X3nAwCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><p><img id="id_d91f_f28b_ce65_a3a1" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qLgSQTw3NvM/WRXjz86hHVI/AAAAAAAAA4s/v37xW3Lx5G0W10TiaPGt_nUMMdlhBYAegCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_8f75_2940_70bc_505d" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FcijOHcq41k/WRXjz8AS4BI/AAAAAAAAA4w/YUu7_F3J3jgd6PiN_rwk4rudn8FFosy1gCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </p><div>Considering how small they are they bloody hurt, sort of like a burning sensation and the skin feels so tight, I'm scared to move in case it splits open !!</div><div><br></div><div>They nurses have so far been really nice - drugs and tea on tap, and there's only 3 other women on the ward so I should be in for a good night...</div><div><br></div><div>Arrons been to visit and brought all of he essentials - sweets, sweet and salty popcorn, sushi and oranges so looks like I'm good to go for the night. Deb Fletch also came to visit, I can't really remember what we were talking about it was all a bit of a haze. Well they've both left now, I've had my codeine so I'm going to try and see if I can position my phone to be able to get some sort of signal....</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Wednesday 10th May 0220am</u></b></div><div>So much for a quiet night, between observation and med rounds there's not much sleep going on, plus my poor neighbor in the next bed clearly has dementia and so she's very confused, wanting assistance but unable to use her call bell and is reliant on us 3 to help, bless her I feel for her. Just had my obs done, BP is in my boots which makes a nice change actually... must try and sleep...</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>0620am</u></b></div><div>Lights full on, observations again... but this time I got a massive mug of tea so although I probably had 2 hours sleep I'm pretty happy, plus I think I might be able to go home today!! </div><div><img id="id_ee93_1a55_cd9a_22dd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-m0VCJw1uQt8/WRYZWCszV-I/AAAAAAAAA5A/ZbX54cJlNdIe0VLn4I1QDb1rsTF-qnx1ACHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><b><u>10:00am</u></b></div><div>Well I started falling to sleep having finally found my happy place (6 pillows and the profile bed raised head and feet) and the sodding Matron came in bloody singing at 830am -brilliant. My surgeon came round around 9am and gave me the ok to go home with a few do's and dont's (champagne drinking is vital, no driving or housework for me -his words not mine), they must be desperate for beds because if only nipped to the toilet and when I came back my bed was stripped and the nurse was waiting to give me my discharge paperwork! Think I'd better call Arron!!</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>11:50am</u></b></div><div>Home sweet home ! Nice new clean PJs on, along with my lovely stockings, a quick hi to Fabio and Denzel and it's straight to bed for me - I still have a lot of TV to catch up on from vacay.</div><div><img id="id_3129_b6c3_c8c4_3d78" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-YNYm4SizVPU/WRYZYBAR7xI/AAAAAAAAA5E/iOKrPFJ5s-4WO_poSzB6dqkVEtiOY0sXwCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><b><u>19:00</u></b></div><div>Think I managed 20mins of Scandal and passed out to be woken up by Hollie, Lolaah and George, happy Aunty Aimee! Now they're gone, I've had a nap and my god I'm in pain, feels like my chest is burning, cancer side is a lot more painful than the right side, Jesus. Think I'm over tired and fed up and I just can't get comfortable...</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Thursday 11th May 0600am</u></b></div><div>Another crap night sleep, so uncomfortable but not wanting to move because that brings pain and also I don't want Arron to wake up as he has to go to work today, that being said I'm wishing the time away so that his alarm goes off and I can have a cup of tea and some squash! ...maybe I should accidentally kick him...</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><b><u>1940</u></b></div><div>Managed to sleep! 10am - 2pm! Whoop whoop! Then my friend Wendy came over which was lovely until Denzel jumped on me and kicked me in the tit - ouch, I would have thought by now that I'd be more comfortable but no such luck. I do have the perfect excuse for eating in bed though...</div><div><img id="id_ef0c_908a_deae_cb91" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/--1KCGhgwC0s/WRbGm25V1XI/AAAAAAAAA5U/tV8fIurbU98a21IlcHTRzp3dNetn559SQCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Friday 12th May 0345am</u></b></div><div>I literally have no idea why my body hates me so much, takes ages to re arrange all the bloody pillows to get some what comfortable and then if it's not my bladder it's a hot flush, can't stop crying and don't want to wake Arron because he has to go to work again tomorrow, I'm meant to be going to my mom and sisters tomorrow but I don't even think I could stand the car ride and now I'm full of cold... starting to wish I'd not even bothered with reconstruction. If this is the "good part" as everyone insists on telling me, well, they're all on crack obviously.</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>21:20</u></b></div><div>Didn't make it out of my house, slept on and off all day, but actually ventured downstairs too and made a drink! Have finally caught up on Scandal, TOWIE, Eastenders, and Geordie Shore, now I'm mixing it up with The Affair and OITNB season 4. Hoping tomorrow will be better, think I might have a few people coming over. </div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Saturday 12th May 15:08</u></b></div><div>Awh this morning I woke up to a beautiful bunch of flowers from my Sammy and a package off Rebecca containing PJs, a heart shaped pillow, sports bras and sweets. OH MY GOD what a difference the bra and pillow have made!! I can actually lie for a while quite comfortably, so that's what I've done! Still very swollen and I sound like a half filled hot water bottle, I have an alarm for analgesia time ..... bored now...</div><div><br></div><div>Andrea came to visit this afternoon then my mom who has kindly tidied up around the house and brough me supplies so should hopefully sleep tonight, I'm getting so frustrated that I can't do anything but sit around. Somehow tonight I have to try and wash my hair over the bath.. ouch... might have a glass of cava first ....</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>23:25</u></b></div><div>Ok so the cava wasn't my greatest idea, I washed my hair over the bath and threw up and now my chest hurts from straining, but at least now my hairs clean and I look less like a homeless person. Pills popped and now I'm going to watch some Netflix.</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Sunday 14th May 23:05</u></b></div><div>Happy Birthday Lolaah!! I've had such a lovely day, we went over to Tamworth for Lolaahs birthday party and it was so lovely to see everyone -dad, brother, kids, aunties, cousins, Arrons family, but to say that I'm tired is an understatement, I think in future all visitors will have to come to me. I'm back at my usual place of residence - in bed with 8 pillows and a bucket of tea, Sleeping pills are kicking in now zzzzzzz</div><div><img id="id_d98b_b4d7_6fba_90ac" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Lk1V0ZffMXM/WRssg6AqlbI/AAAAAAAAA6Q/v4L6l_lAcd8SyOjpwAx_MsKwGE_n_-XJACHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Monday 15th May 21:30</u></b></div><div>Arrons had to work in London today so he dropped me off at Hollies this morning, so today I've pretty much lay on her sofa, drank tea and watched Greys Anatomy! Back home now and I'm shattered, maybe I've overdone it, well if that means sitting down at Lolaahs bday party all day and getting in the car to go to Hollies today then yeah I have! Fletcher you crazy woman, I mean come on, this is getting frustrating now. I do have some weird stabbing pains going on, particularly cancer side which is unnerving as I haven't had this kind of pain since I was diagnosed. Strangely when I had them chopped off I only got phantom pains but this pain I've not had since chemo. Maybe I ought to rest... yawn ....</div><div><br></div><div><b><u>Tuesday 16th May 16:45</u></b></div><div>I've had my boobs a whole week!! Yippee!! They're getting less painful (stabbing pain has stopped thankfully), and I can move a bit more freely. I have my check up tomorrow at the breast clinic, and I'm hoping that she'll say that I can drive. My clothes look soooo much better with boobs, even though they're only tiny it makes a huge difference,</div><div><img id="id_91ed_eea4_5517_e0a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5wcq0-zQUtU/WRssRjdoMxI/AAAAAAAAA6A/pKyknUPCaTcxhQU7zIcCEbyS9M3UgJePgCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_2cb5_c885_f0fa_b6c5" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-bxBsdU3ghRo/WRssSoygVHI/AAAAAAAAA6E/qLDbnmgOlTkBPqIp5ORujAWueHksuHdYQCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_788e_3ecd_e50f_b8af" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xhsJMtXBx6Y/WRssSx9gVSI/AAAAAAAAA6I/UTjmo2Tnyd8TLqxAiZuGsEZs446lXGkdgCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_d295_edeb_2ac2_ab65" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-R1SDtYBoKn4/WRssSxfwX9I/AAAAAAAAA6M/LCdxa4zFVmA0z8kVQ4QyzZtq2-e5i3_2gCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>My current situation is that I'm home alone and I've ran out of milk!! Bad bad times... hurry up home Iliffe. </div><div>I've pretty much caught up on my TV and so now I'm on the hunt for a new series (all suggestions welcome) although I heard a rumour that Ex on the beach and Love island will be starting soon.... but now I have a problem. A big problem.</div><div><br></div><div>Internet shopping. Dam you. Why is it that when your skint (as in statuary sick pay skint) you find loads of things hat you need? It doesn't help that my Facebook news feed keeps suggesting thing that I might like from ASOS and Instagram is full of prettiness. I thought I could divert these feelings and watch some KUWTK but no. Now I'm obsessed with owning a pain of Good American (good legs obvs) jeans! No, I must be good, even though I know that I deserve nice things we have a wedding to somehow pay for..... although if I brought the jeans then there probably wouldn't be a wedding to even pay for.....</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_db77_ccf1_6c2a_609f" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-MiWTwkgLcgk/WRstt79KyFI/AAAAAAAAA6U/5Ecpl-JRzlQOXrbvqjfIdtMsFbBcqVxowCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-31002127477600447722017-04-04T14:07:00.001-07:002017-04-04T14:07:52.167-07:00What is normal?Three years ago everything was fabulous (well in rose tinted glasses looking back now it feels like it was but no doubt I was in a mood about something), one thing was for sure, I wasn't bloody ill.<div><br></div><div>3 bloody years, that's a hell of a long time. I didn't have a clue about the shit storm that was about to explode all over my life, wow, things back then were so different... the only medication I was taking was pregnacare...</div><div><br></div><div>Three years on I feel like my life is a constant stream of worry, uncertainty, niggling feelings, hospital appointments and cancer, bloody cancer. </div><div><br></div><div>Three years is a long time, I think I was so naive to think all would be fine after radiotherapy, who knew about bloody menopause - the mood swings, hot flashes, aching bones, scans, follow up appointments, a regular immense shame during the night, stupid bleeding lymphedema arm, and if that's not bad enough, no I have to fracture my bloody leg and 12 MONTHS on it's still being a pain in the absolute arse.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh and then I go and trip over Denzel and hurt my knee. Brilliant. </div><div><br></div><div>3 bloody years.</div><div><br></div><div>Imagine waking up and not having had cancer or any of the bullshit that follows,</div><div><br></div><div>Must be amazing.</div><div><br></div><div>Tomorrow I'll try not to be as moody, or angry.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_9b82_6db6_a6b6_764a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HOUo_XPKR60/WOQLJwZI0QI/AAAAAAAAA3c/48z8FswUqbE/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-65147901033717781642017-03-01T16:39:00.001-08:002017-03-05T07:20:51.735-08:00One of FourSo it's started, finally, after 2 cancellations, massive tantrums and tears I've finally started my reconstruction-yippee!!<div><br></div><div>So the first of 4 surgeries is now done -fat transfer aka liposuction. But despite my bestist begging my surgeon wouldn't take more than she needed, or accidentally slip and take fat from my legs (inner, outer thigh or knees), she just went in at the hips.</div><div><br></div><div>It felt quite strange to be excited about going into theatre, the last couple of times have been slightly more unnerving. Out came the marker pen (again she wouldn't draw anywhere near my legs - dam it) and on went the beautiful gown, stockings and non slip socks...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_7593_8209_a86b_ed02" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-0LaUktYyesE/WLdp2IbihOI/AAAAAAAAA2Q/P7olOkmRBUU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>Then came the good stuff aka the anaesthetic room...</div><div><br></div><div>And then I woke up, sadly I wasn't a size 8, and for the amount of pain and bruising present there wasn't a great deal to look at but as the days have gone on my chest is no longer inverted (well it is slightly but not as bad) and my scars seem smoother...</div><div><br></div><div>But oh my god the brusing!!</div><div><img id="id_6371_cb93_32a2_484a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-95nYRAjRMMI/WLoE3PTEljI/AAAAAAAAA2g/0tlyXLK5Vx0/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>Almost that kind of pain that makes you laugh...</div><div><br></div><div>I think the worst part was my mouth and neck from intubation- ouch!!! </div><div><img id="id_f036_38b1_a24c_cef8" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LHW3SYtdZk4/WLoE6YH5eCI/AAAAAAAAA2o/xzXQ41vxfxo/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><br><div><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">And not to mention the lack of sleep - hello sleeping tablets my good old friends!</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);">Not all bad though, I did get a pedicure from my sister, there's nothing worse than unpainted toe nails..</span></div><div><img id="id_ef90_b65e_8be1_9a89" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kf7qO0eVr90/WLoE7m0AaJI/AAAAAAAAA2s/4rD19lnW0W4/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);"><br></span></div><div><br></div><div>And I've had some lovely flowers and a load of chocolate, which is not helping my wedding diet at all...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_28a_d002_f380_62" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9SLojvOn1O0/WLoE3wwjR7I/AAAAAAAAA2k/wLZewQ4Dg_w/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>And I've basically sat on my arse for 9 days! Bliss </div><div><br></div><div>Bruising is very much there still and I can't quite sleep on my side but hey can't complain...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_3895_b1fc_ee92_b767" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uq4cv8P9iQ4/WLwRrm0hBbI/AAAAAAAAA3E/x8rrrXQprpQ/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>As for my actual "boobs" it's not obvious but they're less inverted and my scars seem less jaggered now, so I can start wearing some of the clothes I've put away for 2 years as my scars aren't as visable through clothes anymore.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_3a4d_b3c7_e4fe_5385" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-uSFdZJzBjzE/WLwRsdkpekI/AAAAAAAAA3I/SAHbzHidlpg/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>And that's it ! Phase one completed! Next op is empty boobs!! Yippee and now all I have to concentrate on is work tomorrow ... and a trip of a life time to Washington- Philly- Atlantic City- New York -Boston -6 weeks and counting!!</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-41927363145441861422017-01-17T13:51:00.001-08:002017-01-17T13:51:33.204-08:00Bye bye 2016Hasn't been all that bad ...<div><br></div><div>I went back to work at the beginning of the year, was going well until I bloody fractured my neck of femur ... any who...</div><div><br></div><div>Then me and the boy brought a house -finally!! </div><div><img id="id_807c_16f9_55e9_6bbf" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rVtl54SG7-o/WHgnXdKN8qI/AAAAAAAAAzA/8jpZPjNVBL8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>A house we said we didn't really need to do much to... in fact the only room we didn't like was the bathroom and in a shocking twist of fate it's the only room that we haven't touched... so after smashing out the ceiling in the kitchen, ripping down all of the wall paper in every room, a complete re-wire (not on the spreadsheet or on the budget may I add) a new kitchen, front door </div><div><img id="id_7afa_813f_145f_6a9d" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-7veMOfNdzbU/WHgnU4qbv3I/AAAAAAAAAy8/p368J2Wc0HI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><img id="id_86c9_334d_a6bc_154b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fcMiWxLGktI/WHgnYQfdLpI/AAAAAAAAAzM/ckFU9PYlnmI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_b1a4_ee3e_88ff_3e82" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xF1iyzhydtk/WHgnXcQTsJI/AAAAAAAAAzE/6bN_A-OJX1s/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_3e7c_4c4c_f36a_6d56" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ylwLpgBP54E/WHgnXSLTRmI/AAAAAAAAAzI/rqUslKE851M/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>and loads of beautiful (vital) pieces from Betties Brocante Tamworth ( <a href="https://m.facebook.com/ShabitattVintage/?locale2=en_GB" id="id_885a_4ebf_87da_7a33">https://m.facebook.com/ShabitattVintage/?locale2=en_GB</a> ) </div><img id="id_9e46_d1b7_2d17_f1c3" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_FT2TsVku7o/WHgna9QcOJI/AAAAAAAAAzQ/xAiemngqqm4/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><div>we had our first Xmas day together, me Arron, Fabio-Winston and Denzel Washington.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_44a0_107f_e6a8_2e1b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-VwoeUGsUCq8/WHgnc9ZWzYI/AAAAAAAAAzY/fHupfaY9XKU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>To be fair 2016 has been pretty dam good, we now have 2 nieces and 2 nephews - welcome Georgie Porgy</div><div><img id="id_bee7_b770_a4ce_e77b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ewdXds0cyFY/WHgncP42oFI/AAAAAAAAAzU/GVzSbutmfUM/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><img id="id_bba_9ebd_b8d6_6e1c" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kALmaXkRxl0/WH1eCEtlUbI/AAAAAAAAA0I/CJa5F8shY-M/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><img id="id_5efe_e4d7_ebe3_60a5" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-JQPOizKTQDE/WHgngxnsYlI/AAAAAAAAAzc/LG8IGQhnYMo/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> Here's hoping to many more....<br><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I also revisited my youth and went back to Maga, with my gorgeous Rebecca, didn't remember it back when I was 17 ..... not sure I remember it at 33 either.... we'll actually the hotel this time around was much improved (thanks <a href="http://www.bhmallorca.com/" id="id_e6e4_6eef_d405_ed1c">http://www.bhmallorca.com/</a> )</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_1079_475d_bdd0_6585" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xdstmd7lciM/WHgnh9ho2jI/AAAAAAAAAzg/oaixIbl4-jM/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><img id="id_cca6_e18c_c596_ee9f" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QnQyWew-pHY/WHgnk3bHvcI/AAAAAAAAAzs/fCxScvmA0w8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_c3c0_796f_db13_b213" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-6GyUvVwF_Zs/WHgnjHIt-rI/AAAAAAAAAzk/twU_ExVQTpI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><div>I become god mother to 2 beautiful girls ❤️</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_1db7_de12_e4a_c70a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-c5SO30NZsks/WH1eBPjApII/AAAAAAAAA0E/7VV618oxscU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </div><div><img id="id_9c52_61f5_b5b6_f983" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-2wyOUtr6AXo/WH1eDTS0CXI/AAAAAAAAA0M/yonBfIGzcKY/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br><div>Not to mention the arrival of Laiken Fletcher Crook💙</div><div><img id="id_9fb4_73e5_26a_d71c" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-AJtYjZAcD3s/WH6R2r0jf-I/AAAAAAAAA1A/f7A81gNKFOc/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>I went to Lords and got twatted on Pims as you do.....</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_5492_3899_49b_6194" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5mOLrs6QUE8/WHgnk8Yg5PI/AAAAAAAAAzw/7DMJVthDqJg/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> On the subject of booze in 2016 I found my new vocal talent.....<br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_e590_dd8d_dabf_dc4e" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OitfbDedcU4/WHgnkXaoXuI/AAAAAAAAAzo/50QdVQG_WBw/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> Later followed by a beautiful tribute to The Thong Song.....<br></div><div><br></div><div>And the day after this I said Yes !! - must have been my vocal talent that made him realise...</div><div><img id="id_9c63_db9b_c05e_9719" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Gw4lZZL7Px4/WH1eFwgjeCI/AAAAAAAAA0U/AlAhNt8bnl0/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_9192_989_50f1_d8fd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-X8AJEGmdnX0/WH1eFbRo8bI/AAAAAAAAA0Q/aP1afKBR9cA/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>And then We fully embraced our new home, and when I say embraced, I mean that we pretty much live at the cocktail bar, and have convinced ourselves that it's actually cheaper to eat out....</div><div><br></div><div>Actually there was a period of time where I did actually start to cook, and as much As I tried to convince everyone it wasn't just a phase .... it lasted about 2-3 weeks max ... bored now ...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_9e1d_e66d_fa89_d8fd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-USMRpuFQqbA/WH1eIUnle4I/AAAAAAAAA0Y/rB-6701GVDc/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>We had a fab weekend away to Dublin and I descovered that I like Guinness ...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_e503_cf47_5142_8b8c" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-KDk70wgJqlo/WH1eIZkJXqI/AAAAAAAAA0c/qkGZ7-NKtbQ/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"></div><div><br></div><div>And that letting your boyfriend (fiancé) and best friend pick your drink each time you go to the bar will only ever end up in disaster....</div><div><br></div><div>I dont like whiskey ... at all<br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_dcb2_b224_4a09_b3c9" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-yhAQzowEGko/WH1eLwQHTNI/AAAAAAAAA0g/Ifpg89Lly90/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>But I do love going to the darts.... dressed at Daphne</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_39d8_b208_387b_998a" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-KZjs51C4BMw/WH1eMXLO_QI/AAAAAAAAA0o/WJ_Ga3ATgxU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>And at last I get the letter to say I'm starting my reconstruction!!! Finally!! But as always there was a shocking twist of fate and my blood pressure decided to be a complete moron and go through the roof, operation cancelled, 24 hour blood pressure monitoring and 2 new pills to take daily....</div><div><br></div><div>Back on the waiting list.....</div><div><br></div><div>Oh and my leg is healing nicely... apparently... but the crutches remain ...</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_45bf_c70_e6ac_2e57" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xhqCOhIBnYQ/WH1eMYl6WpI/AAAAAAAAA0k/vMmMJV658Hc/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_19b8_7c08_6bcc_c196" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-2cSikUSJPgo/WH1eMwguArI/AAAAAAAAA0s/LwqxzatxZGU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><div>Fabulous.</div><div><br></div><div>But I did managed to get in another few days in the sun, well when I managed to get up .....</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_8b30_b7ec_a816_46ea" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QK18TE8-5EQ/WH6R3MmtlxI/AAAAAAAAA1E/O1uF6dgoW-U/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><img id="id_9d73_1573_315b_e855" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Xi8Q_13JP3s/WH6R2u3Q62I/AAAAAAAAA08/rbRaXcNzhNY/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> And then X-factor began, which everyone knows is the official countdown to Christmas 🎄 <br></div></div><div><br></div><div>First Christmas in our new house 🏡 </div><div>We decided to have it just the two of us, and the guys obviously. And of course we had our London weekend (fave weekend of the year)</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_7aa8_492a_2435_1325" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-paJ5mlpT77c/WH6R3iVTNSI/AAAAAAAAA1I/P0zD-k4moyY/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>Lots of shopping, bubbles, delicious food, bubbles, F&M (que Arron almost having a mini stroke), games, room escaping oh and an arcade just for adults!! </div><div><img id="id_56d4_3823_fd60_d658" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-n610jMlObyQ/WH6R4NYvuyI/AAAAAAAAA1Q/4C0ulQ-TA20/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><br></div><img id="id_fca0_973f_d8a2_4301" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-L1a7RQmIJkw/WH6R38A0I6I/AAAAAAAAA1M/UugBRD0GGFs/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><div>We had to do our very own Xmas big shop... cheese and cava mainly, but Arron did manage to pull off an epic Xmas dinner, even if it was enough to feed all of the Fletchers and Iliffe's... it was the first time in years that I felt normal again, I even went to work Xmas morning.</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_fb13_bdb7_8dc3_3dfa" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QylsBtZDguI/WH6R4bYIjzI/AAAAAAAAA1U/jUF8UjY8b0c/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div>Yep he has ketchup with everything... looser</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><img id="id_5a8_6bb8_837a_bfe3" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HM72CUreL8A/WH6R4x6HRSI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/YcL3OgO1V6o/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div> Sometimes I think that I'm too happy... and that's actually really bloody scary.... keep waiting for something bad to happen, doesn't feel normal...<br></div><div><br></div><div>Anyway now Christmas is over it's full steam a head for The wedding... well after US Vacay.... and maybe, just maybe my reconstruction... that's if they don't cancel it again...</div><div><br></div><div>Hope not, I'm desperate to try on some dresses....</div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-27934245075159809812017-01-12T16:23:00.001-08:002017-01-12T16:26:41.911-08:00Yes Yes Yes!!I'm engaged!!! Eek still feels weird saying that- ooh I have a fiancé ..<br>
<br>Not that I'm going to call him that, I'm not a knob.<div><br></div><div>Who would have thought it, all it took was copious bottles of cava, an afternoon at drag queen bingo and a burrito with an extra spicy chilli...</div><div><br></div><div>7 years of not so subtle hints, and boom here's my ring...</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>
<img id="id_5233_4348_b824_8a4d" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-jHo5GmuYPbI/WHgdTSgXDSI/AAAAAAAAAww/x9c6OBasDWU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><img id="id_c3cd_9f37_2492_77d0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WSqexubjRKM/WHgdQT4bp8I/AAAAAAAAAwk/Ko80CAHh65Y/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><div>So now that Xmas is over it's full steam a head on the planning front, but unless we win on the lottery I genuinely have no idea how people do this! </div><div><br></div><div>We have picked our church, it's totally gorgeous and everything I've ever imagined but that's pretty much it, well apart from an insane amount on Pinterest...</div><div><br></div><div>Who'd have thought it Arron Iliffe wanting to get married!!</div><div><br></div><div>But I'm so glad he does....</div><div><br></div><div><img id="id_7371_f859_3f96_40a6" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-zaFt1R9Ivao/WHgdPkYwLKI/AAAAAAAAAwg/fNmsoB_WksI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><img id="id_3f04_3389_8e9c_948f" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-7myLS3MPdgA/WHgdUu3ZpRI/AAAAAAAAAw0/bk7nz9fT0tA/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><div><img id="id_8134_fc63_e24f_6232" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Ibu2FzK5zwI/WHgdSYHZOiI/AAAAAAAAAwo/PuNvasG_Wio/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><img id="id_d43c_fd4b_3937_2099" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-vpAjxW6Br8M/WHgdTEKYJqI/AAAAAAAAAws/pQtsSmLf1cg/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_55aa_b6f0_e593_a56b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4V-REx2kxFQ/WHgdW78mQgI/AAAAAAAAAxE/ZF-U6Fs3gRI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_7883_407e_e83c_82c9" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-P43Qz255-tM/WHgdVudxq7I/AAAAAAAAAw4/tgNwtBdwrEk/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_8772_eb07_b042_f92c" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_uUMKrzg8TI/WHgdWdWkCLI/AAAAAAAAAxA/pr3MjrNhT5Q/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><img id="id_3a05_e36e_55ba_28da" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-IFLrT_gSF3c/WHgdWOI0FKI/AAAAAAAAAw8/09tqbC5a8uo/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><img id="id_3316_a6bf_18db_5c6d" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hCiIRhX7_Nc/WHgdaI7Gc0I/AAAAAAAAAxQ/P6IuH2PUty8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_1d95_be33_f417_93ba" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-K1u2ASce6bU/WHgdX-yjdCI/AAAAAAAAAxI/S2Acp4aPiiA/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_3fcd_144f_ed35_7569" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OxojqgaeI6s/WHgdZYDGMQI/AAAAAAAAAxM/0354hUOK5Oc/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_3b81_2000_1389_8945" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fEQQdw1QKvw/WHgdbJG3eOI/AAAAAAAAAxY/UmX7AC9eeiU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_8c36_4791_cdeb_5178" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-SdyDfTKbDOU/WHgdaXgw7VI/AAAAAAAAAxU/eq0aWr_3SSQ/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_2aef_9985_4171_f41e" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8Fs9hEQ2Tlk/WHgdeehJPdI/AAAAAAAAAxk/EhG4k_C8TB8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_d5e3_31df_6f27_a538" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZZE_tLNJ5oc/WHgdf4rJPoI/AAAAAAAAAxo/zt28xwg4390/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_4724_2080_43b2_a7ea" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-x9Snnm84aX4/WHgdeAeKm9I/AAAAAAAAAxg/oipUiamcNUI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_8051_f7f4_8c13_b746" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xj56jl4T-Ss/WHgddcnx2WI/AAAAAAAAAxc/vMvTfa-chA0/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_205f_e8a7_e921_26a0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-T3trLFThKok/WHgdhpoAGKI/AAAAAAAAAxw/On_OaZoKtTI/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"><br><img id="id_5c9_852c_d5c1_971f" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-swI7kwCB-Jk/WHgdhWPFlTI/AAAAAAAAAxs/a3-McDqNs3E/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div> </div><img id="id_ce1b_23fe_5199_afaf" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-7UldvgZucks/WHgdmxrRmdI/AAAAAAAAAx8/2NaFnt1q0p0/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><div><img id="id_c61b_7028_fb78_549" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-95Tyw5LKmzo/WHgdkufZ9NI/AAAAAAAAAx0/bGwI6eBXsTs/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_5435_b6ff_c790_73b3" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-aAgPWudDtNg/WHgdmCB5YCI/AAAAAAAAAx4/_f8-4Nl19Ug/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_c845_51d4_e5ba_5640" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LIMi2UQhMeY/WHgdo5HFS-I/AAAAAAAAAyE/wsfU_R9iWoY/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </div><img id="id_f8c2_7db0_a8b1_bb86" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xu8qc7XYo00/WHgdt0iPwgI/AAAAAAAAAyM/UVU6jJcnbkw/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><br></div><img id="id_d773_5591_cfca_9a5b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-soFUevFrDc8/WHgdpCOc3kI/AAAAAAAAAyA/1icpBwSQfYo/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><img id="id_b18f_4cab_c3bb_62a2" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9DqTO5XDNOM/WHgdtwFkIgI/AAAAAAAAAyQ/ThWvPRcdPDk/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </div><img id="id_369d_bb23_bc96_5ad1" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d1HAdnczNwE/WHgdtlMVNEI/AAAAAAAAAyI/pqkB_A_GxEQ/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><img id="id_85a7_8df0_d986_d58c" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-c9d3C9JxOx0/WHgd12bW02I/AAAAAAAAAyg/O_cW0my9UTo/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br></div><img id="id_6844_a64c_43fa_ecdd" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQ7W2XsPAzM/WHgdzUFGAQI/AAAAAAAAAyU/tCtnOOAkUVg/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_337b_215b_2989_b51f" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-L1JRKuvm39E/WHgdzxUI36I/AAAAAAAAAyc/TCzaqDoqZbs/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_88f5_d8c3_8e95_4dea" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-m7mguvMRBfs/WHgdz0SAt4I/AAAAAAAAAyY/Fk7I1ZS14uQ/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <img id="id_82bb_2a64_8985_3211" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-w0zUpmdhp0s/WHgd5KQBwgI/AAAAAAAAAys/NcXLR4YQ86A/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <br><img id="id_f195_4c18_a17d_6aed" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1jK0JYLhGng/WHgd27FXrhI/AAAAAAAAAyk/UZezKOVtDP8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> <div><img id="id_3157_d59f_8504_d96b" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZuhTcIRdkDs/WHgd4n0CDQI/AAAAAAAAAyo/q4ik4-vP1tk/%25255BUNSET%25255D.png" alt="" title="" tooltip="" style="width: 353px; height: auto;"> </div>The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-63931746641885301312016-09-27T14:03:00.003-07:002016-09-27T14:04:43.981-07:00Patience is a virtueYeah said someone, a woman most likely, with nice long hair, boobs and a functioning womb...<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Urghhhhhhh</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I finished radiotherapy 16 months ago, that's a long time, and I still don't have any boobs, none.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yes I know "the worst bit is done now" and "I bet it's nice not having treatment and having a break" but it's also a pain in the arse not having any tits either.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Having being told that I would start the process this summer, forgive me for being a little racked off that in the middle of September I've not had so much as a pre op date yet. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Don't get me wrong, I've met my surgeon IN MARCH and he seemed lovely agreed to do the surgeries that I "want" but that's it, nothing since.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Having chased them up myself, various times, I've now been told that they're waiting for another surgeon to either go off sick or book annual leave to free up a theatre space, this will then be offered to my surgeon and if he has no other commitments and gets back to them quick enough I might be offered a slot - apparently he's been offered a slot before and didn't get back to them in time and so they let another surgeon have it!!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yep that's right. Great. No idea when - a weeks time? A months time? This year? next year? I've saved my holiday entitlement from work as I don't get sick pay, so do I take it now in case I end up loosing it? Or wait just incase I get a date? Oh yes this really is the good bit now isn't it!! uurrrggghhhhhhh<br />
<br />
I would just like to be able to grab something out of my wardrobe without having the daily debate of whether I need to wear my bleeding softies, can you see my concave chest or can I get away with it?<br />
<br />
one things for sure, I need the process starting, because IM GETTING MARRIED!!<br />
<br />
oooh I feel another blog coming on....<br />
<br />
<br />
<span id="goog_2139301857"></span><span id="goog_2139301858"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JtR3GrEOEY/V-rebrveYnI/AAAAAAAAArY/rpNCUT3hWvYfBDJVjkYdcmds4X16P7baQCLcB/s1600/208.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7JtR3GrEOEY/V-rebrveYnI/AAAAAAAAArY/rpNCUT3hWvYfBDJVjkYdcmds4X16P7baQCLcB/s320/208.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1219185855713281163.post-82397935152381963742016-09-27T14:03:00.001-07:002016-09-27T14:03:33.365-07:00Patience is a virtueYeah said someone, a woman most likely, with nice long hair, boobs and a functioning womb...<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Urghhhhhhh</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I finished radiotherapy 16 months ago, that's a long time, and I still don't have any boobs, none.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yes I know "the worst bit is done now" and "I bet it's nice not having treatment and having a break" but it's also a pain in the arse not having any tits either.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Having being told that I would start the process this summer, forgive me for being a little racked off that in the middle of September I've not had so much as a pre op date yet. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Don't get me wrong, I've met my surgeon IN MARCH and he seemed lovely agreed to do the surgeries that I "want" but that's it, nothing since.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Having chased them up myself, various times, I've now been told that they're waiting for another surgeon to either go off sick or book annual leave to free up a theatre space, this will then be offered to my surgeon and if he has no other commitments and gets back to them quick enough I might be offered a slot - apparently he's been offered a slot before and didn't get back to them in time and so they let another surgeon have it!!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yep that's right. Great. No idea when - a weeks time? A months time? This year? next year? I've saved my holiday entitlement from work as I don't get sick pay, so do I take it now in case I end up loosing it? Or wait just incase I get a date? Oh yes this really is the good bit now isn't it!! uurrrggghhhhhhh<br />
<br />
I would just like to be able to grab something out of my wardrobe without having the daily debate of whether I need to wear my bleeding softies, can you see my concave chest or can I get away with it?<br />
<br />
one things for sure, I need the process starting, because IM GETTING MARRIED!!<br />
<br />
oooh I feel another blog coming on....<br />
<br />
<br />
<span id="goog_2139301857"></span><span id="goog_2139301858"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jISvNRXfWrM/V-reDzPENWI/AAAAAAAAArU/Rhq9XcDsPg8N1Nc2TQJoqPhxZ1F8QuDUACLcB/s1600/089%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jISvNRXfWrM/V-reDzPENWI/AAAAAAAAArU/Rhq9XcDsPg8N1Nc2TQJoqPhxZ1F8QuDUACLcB/s320/089%2B%25282%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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The Ultimate C Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07955612904751335668noreply@blogger.com0