Sunday, 19 July 2015

Stage 4 Scan 1 Biopsy 1 Scanxiety ++

Treatment wise the last few weeks have been ok, treatment wise that is, everything else feels like an existence.

In 3 weeks I've had 8 GP/Hospital appointments, 14 days of anti-biotics, alternate day dressing changes and extreme menopause bullshit, hot sweats that are so awful that I can't even face wearing my wig and have been walking around looking like Will Ferral.



This week I get to have a bone biopsy taken from my pelvis, "luckily" I'm having a general anaesthetic so I'm hoping it won't be too bad and I will get the good drugs and be in a happy place. This is unlikely as the last GA I had turned me into a lunatic, an emotional wreck, a cry baby. Poor Arron, again. And then poor everyone close to me who has to wait the 30 days for the results ...



I'm also waiting for the results of my first MRI since bone met diagnosis.  This should happen 3 days before I go to Paris, excellent. They usually don't say a word to you during or after the scan, so I've got quite used to this and wasn't even going to try and read their expressions. Then she decided to speak to me. Questioning why I was back so soon? Surprised at my bone met diagnosis, casually mentioned a completely different area in this scan, which could just be bone marrow? Old injury? Infection? Damage from chemo? That's what she said. I immediately thought that it's spread since my last scan in March. she also asked about a bone scan, I told her that was clear and she told me not to worry then. I have called them up to see if it has been reported on yet, it has. Shit, the lady on the phone knows but can't say anything. I asked that if there were dramatic changes/something truly awful would it be flagged up to my oncologist? It would. She didn't say that it has, her tone of voice didn't change once she'd seen my results, is that because there is no change? Or has she been doing this job for years and is used to seeing such information? Have I flagged it up and prompted her to now call my oncologist and I'm due a call any minute asking me to go in ASAP? I think she is at another hospital on Monday afternoons so maybe this will happen tomorrow morning? I know that she usually gets into clinic around 8:30 -9:00am. What worries me is that when the last MRI was reported on and I did indeed have bone mets, that wasn't deemed dramatic enough or truly awful enough to bring my appointment forward, will that happen this time?

And so it begins.... Scanxiety. And I haven't even had the bone biopsy yet, thank god for Prozac. 

How on earth am I going to do this every 3 months that's if I'm currently stable enough "just" to have an MRI every 12 weeks.....