The gift that keeps on giving

Tuesday morning I woke up to a parking ticket, I blame the man down the road who feels the need to have FOUR cars and a bike and an overnight visitor - and only ever parks one on his drive, I’m appealing it but anyway not a great start.

Then I went to the hospital, good old Burton Queens aka my second home (the hospital I didn’t even know how to get to days before my diagnosis / I could get there with my eyes shut now) for my 6 monthly CT scan, joy. As per they don’t give anything away so I’ll have to wait for my appointment in December for my results and spend the next 6 weeks panicking every time my phone rings #scanxiety YAY. 

So that was fine, on my way out I decided to nip to the dental to chase up my referral from months ago - as in May time. Apparently I’d missed my appointment for 31st October so they’d discharged me. Funny that, because I didn’t get a letter or a text, they then admitted that some of the letters hadn’t been sent so it wasn’t actually my fault. Bless the receptionist she went above and beyond to get me seen that day by a consultant dentist. 

 Right, finally getting somewhere. Before seeing the dentist I was sent for an x-ray of my mouth, which I’ve already had at my own dentist (and paid for) but I guess they have to check. When I went in to see that dentist she was surprised to see the root was still left in my gum and asked me if they’d ever attempted to remove it, obviously I said no.  She then asked about my past medical history obviously I was in there about half an hour, I got the usual oh my God you’ve been through so much oh my God you’re so young blah blah blah. I told her that I have bone

Injections for suspected bone metastasis, to which she replied she was absolutely disgusted with my dentist as in fact he should never have removed my tooth, due to the circumstances this is something that should only be done in the hospital by consultant dentist such as herself.

Brilliant.

I should have never had the bastard thing taken out and it’s probably cost me over £300 and 7-8 courses of antibiotics.

so what’s next? Oh just a little explorative surgery on my gum so now I’ve got to have my gum cut open to see what’s going on and then check it hasn’t gone into the bone, so it could mean that I have now got to stop having my bone injections because I’m at risk of my jaw wasting away.

That’s fine, clearly I don’t want my jaw wasting away but what’s going to happen with the suspected bone  metastasis? without the monthly bone injection (if they are in fact by metastasis) they’re going to fucking grow and spread.

Today I received a phone call asking me to attend hospital on Friday this week for a CT scan of my face excellent, I think this brings me up to about 20  maybe 25  scans in the last four years. So now not only do I have to wait for my full body results just before Christmas I’ve now got to wait-and-see if my jaw has been affected,

Also not to mention that I now have a lovely gap in my smile line and I’m guessing no one will come near me to put an implant in.

I think I’ll stop there I’ve rented enough and im running late for my menopause implant, smear and flu jab.

One final note though .....

can anybody recommend a good fucking dentist????

2018 what happens next

So far...so good...I guess ....so why does it feel like a ticking time bomb? 3 + years since it all “ended” and yet the end sight feels light years away. It’s over isn’t it? I should be moving on.... how is that even possible when every little little thing takes me back to that place, tired? Must be cancer, back ache from sleeping in a tent - must be bone mets, gum that won’t heal - must be cancer, ache in the back of my heel - must be cancer ...

Sounds stupid right?

So did a tiny indent in my left breast months after loosing my baby.

Is this my life now, yes.