Wednesday, 10 May 2017

The boob (job) diaries


Tuesday 9th May 2017

Today Is my surgery day!!!! By the time I go to bed tonight I will have something that resembles breasts and will no longer have a concave chest... oh and I get to have a general anaesthetic- all I do is win win win!! 


My hospital bag (case) is once again packed and I've shaved and tanned and got my lace knickers ready and also a tonne of magazines and a selection of nail varnish, urgh that's probably the worst bit- no varnish allowed ... although Hollie is on stand by to re paint as soon of physically possible.

I have around 45mins to eat as many sweets as I can before I'm Nil by mouth but at least I can keep the tea coming until 6am... I don't think I'm nervous about the actual surgery, I'm fairly laid back about that, although I wish I'd discovered that my softies look great when sewn into a lace bralet (thanks Rhian) typical Aimee style I only discovered this 2 bloody weeks ago... obviously I want boobs so my clothes fit better, I'm just not looking forward to the frequent visits to the breast clinic to get them pumped up, going there just brings back horrible memories.... to be completely  100% honest I can wait to have a GA....

Tuesday 9th May 0830am 
So today's the day!! I've just been taken through to the waiting area, Arrons had to leave as it's female only, which to be honest is bloody stupid and totally heartless, I could be waiting here all day, on my own, and it's not like I'm only having my bloody tonsils out.... there's another girl here too who looks like she might cry, not sure what she's having done, I really think they should sort this out, it's not good for a girls anxiety. We've been through the basics, am I who I should be? Am I having the correct surgery, check check check, so now I just need my gown, stockings and to see the surgeon. I really hope I'm first on the list or today is going to be dull, ooh the nurse has picked up a huge pile of notes, must be mine...

Yep they were mine, I'm now suited and booted in a lovely gown and dressing gown, complete with a "wrist" band around my ankle. Bye bye flat chest... hello flatish/rock hard/ swollen/painful expanders... still have no idea where I am on the list (please be first please be first) but I have to lock everything away now, including my phone, 

See you on the other side ......


 

   


22:04pm

It's all done!!! All went ok and this time I dont even remember them taking the tube out of my throat -get in! I had the standard post anaesthetic melt down in recovery and then passed out, woke up again crying in pain, had a blast on some morphine and passed out again, next thing I know its 1430pm ish and i'm on the ward in a more comfy bed with the nurse telling me that she's called Arron to let him know that I'm ok and he can visit later.

Phew all done, bloody hell my chest hurts!! Keep that morphine coming!! I've had a quick peek to me they look massive but obviously they're not, I think I might even have some sort of uni boob situation going on ....

 

  

Considering how small they are they bloody hurt, sort of like a burning sensation and the skin feels so tight, I'm scared to move in case it splits open !!

They nurses have so far been really nice - drugs and tea on tap, and there's only 3 other women on the ward so I should be in for a good night...

Arrons been to visit and brought all of he essentials - sweets, sweet and salty popcorn, sushi and oranges so looks like I'm good to go for the night. Deb Fletch also came to visit, I can't really remember what we were talking about it was all a bit of a haze. Well they've both left now, I've had my codeine so I'm going to try and see if I can position my phone to be able to get some sort of signal....

Wednesday 10th May 0220am
So much for a quiet night, between observation and med rounds there's not much sleep going on, plus my poor neighbor in the next bed clearly has dementia and so she's very confused, wanting assistance but unable to use her call bell and is reliant on us 3 to help, bless her I feel for her. Just had my obs done, BP is in my boots which makes a nice change actually... must try and sleep...

0620am
Lights full on, observations again... but this time I got a massive mug of tea so although I probably had 2 hours sleep I'm pretty happy, plus I think I might be able to go home today!! 
 
10:00am
Well I started falling to sleep having finally found my happy place (6 pillows and the profile bed raised head and feet) and the sodding Matron came in bloody singing at 830am -brilliant. My surgeon came round around 9am and gave me the ok to go home with a few do's and dont's (champagne drinking is vital, no driving or housework for me -his words not mine), they must be desperate for beds because if only nipped to the toilet and when I came back my bed was stripped and the nurse was waiting to give me my discharge paperwork! Think I'd better call Arron!!

11:50am
Home sweet home ! Nice new clean PJs on, along with my lovely stockings, a quick hi to Fabio and Denzel and it's straight to bed for me - I still have a lot of TV to catch up on from vacay.
 

19:00
Think I managed 20mins of Scandal and passed out to be woken up by Hollie, Lolaah and George, happy Aunty Aimee! Now they're gone, I've had a nap and my god I'm in pain, feels like my chest is burning, cancer side is a lot more painful than the right side, Jesus. Think I'm over tired and fed up and I just can't get comfortable...

Thursday 11th May 0600am
Another crap night sleep, so uncomfortable but not wanting to move because that brings pain and also I don't want Arron to wake up as he has to go to work today, that being said I'm wishing the time away so that his alarm goes off and I can have a cup of tea and some squash! ...maybe I should accidentally kick him...


1940
Managed to sleep! 10am - 2pm! Whoop whoop! Then my friend Wendy came over which was lovely until Denzel jumped on me and kicked me in the tit - ouch, I would have thought by now that I'd be more comfortable but no such luck. I do have the perfect excuse for eating in bed though...
 

Friday 12th May 0345am
I literally have no idea why my body hates me so much, takes ages to re arrange all the bloody pillows to get some what comfortable and then if it's not my bladder it's a hot flush, can't stop crying and don't want to wake Arron because he has to go to work again tomorrow, I'm meant to be going to my mom and sisters tomorrow but I don't even think I could stand the car ride and now I'm full of cold... starting to wish I'd not even bothered with reconstruction. If this is the "good part" as everyone insists on telling me, well, they're all on crack obviously.

21:20
Didn't make it out of my house, slept on and off all day, but actually ventured downstairs too and made a drink! Have finally caught up on Scandal, TOWIE, Eastenders, and Geordie Shore, now I'm mixing it up with The Affair and OITNB season 4.  Hoping tomorrow will be better, think I might have a few people coming over. 

Saturday 12th May 15:08
Awh this morning I woke up to a beautiful bunch of flowers from my Sammy and a package off Rebecca containing PJs, a heart shaped pillow, sports bras and sweets. OH MY GOD what a difference the bra and pillow have made!! I can actually lie for a while quite comfortably, so that's what I've done! Still very swollen and I sound like a half filled hot water bottle, I have an alarm for analgesia time ..... bored now...

Andrea came to visit this afternoon then my mom who has kindly tidied up around the house and brough me supplies so should hopefully sleep tonight, I'm getting so frustrated that I can't do anything but sit around. Somehow tonight I have to try and wash my hair over the bath.. ouch... might have a glass of cava first ....

23:25
Ok so the cava wasn't my greatest idea, I washed my hair over the bath and threw up and now my chest hurts from straining, but at least now my hairs clean and I look less like a homeless person. Pills popped and now I'm going to watch some Netflix.

Sunday 14th May 23:05
Happy Birthday Lolaah!! I've had such a lovely day, we went over to Tamworth for Lolaahs birthday party and it was so lovely to see everyone -dad, brother, kids, aunties, cousins, Arrons family, but to say that I'm tired is an understatement, I think in future all visitors will have to come to me. I'm back at my usual place of residence - in bed with 8 pillows and a bucket of tea, Sleeping pills are kicking in now zzzzzzz
 

Monday 15th May 21:30
Arrons had to work in London today so he dropped me off at Hollies this morning, so today I've pretty much lay on her sofa, drank tea and watched Greys Anatomy! Back home now and I'm shattered, maybe I've overdone it, well if that means sitting down at Lolaahs bday party all day and getting in the car to go to Hollies today then yeah I have! Fletcher you crazy woman, I mean come on, this is getting frustrating now. I do have some weird stabbing pains going on, particularly cancer side which is unnerving as I haven't had this kind of pain since I was diagnosed. Strangely when I had them chopped off I only got phantom pains but this pain I've not had since chemo. Maybe I ought to rest... yawn ....

Tuesday 16th May 16:45
I've had my boobs a whole week!! Yippee!! They're getting less painful (stabbing pain has stopped thankfully), and I can move a bit more freely. I have my check up tomorrow at the breast clinic, and I'm hoping that she'll say that I can drive. My clothes look soooo much better with boobs, even though they're only tiny it makes a huge difference,
 

 

 

 

My current situation is that I'm home alone and I've ran out of milk!! Bad bad times... hurry up home Iliffe. 
I've pretty much caught up on my TV and so now I'm on the hunt for a new series (all suggestions welcome) although I heard a rumour that Ex on the beach and Love island will be starting soon.... but now I have a problem. A big problem.

Internet shopping. Dam you. Why is it that when your skint (as in statuary sick pay skint) you find loads of things hat you need? It doesn't help that my Facebook news feed keeps suggesting thing that I might like from ASOS and Instagram is full of prettiness. I thought I could divert these feelings and watch some KUWTK but no. Now I'm obsessed with owning a pain of Good American (good legs obvs) jeans! No, I must be good, even though I know that I deserve nice things we have a wedding to somehow pay for..... although if I brought the jeans then there probably wouldn't be a wedding to even pay for.....

 

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

What is normal?

Three years ago everything was fabulous (well in rose tinted glasses looking back now it feels like it was but no doubt I was in a mood about something), one thing was for sure, I wasn't bloody ill.

3 bloody years, that's a hell of a long time. I didn't have a clue about the shit storm that was about to explode all over my life, wow, things back then were so different... the only medication I was taking was pregnacare...

Three years on I feel like my life is a constant stream of worry, uncertainty, niggling feelings, hospital appointments and cancer, bloody cancer. 

Three years is a long time, I think I was so naive to think all would be fine after radiotherapy, who knew about bloody menopause - the mood swings, hot flashes, aching bones, scans, follow up appointments, a regular immense shame during the night, stupid bleeding lymphedema arm, and if that's not bad enough, no I have to fracture my bloody leg and 12 MONTHS on it's still being a pain in the absolute arse.

Oh and then I go and trip over Denzel and hurt my knee. Brilliant. 

3 bloody years.

Imagine waking up and not having had cancer or any of the bullshit that follows,

Must be amazing.

Tomorrow I'll try not to be as moody, or angry.

 

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

One of Four

So it's started, finally, after 2 cancellations, massive tantrums and tears I've finally started my reconstruction-yippee!!

So the first of 4 surgeries is now done -fat transfer aka liposuction. But despite my bestist begging my surgeon wouldn't take more than she needed, or accidentally slip and take fat from my legs (inner, outer thigh or knees), she just went in at the hips.

It felt quite strange to be excited about going into theatre, the last couple of times have been slightly more unnerving. Out came the marker pen (again she wouldn't draw anywhere near my legs - dam it) and on went the beautiful gown, stockings and non slip socks...

 

Then came the good stuff aka the anaesthetic room...

And then I woke up, sadly I wasn't a size 8, and for the amount of pain and bruising present there wasn't a great deal to look at but as the days have gone on my chest is no longer inverted (well it is slightly but not as bad) and my scars seem smoother...

But oh my god the brusing!!
 
Almost that kind of pain that makes you laugh...

I think the worst part was my mouth and neck from intubation- ouch!!! 
 

And not to mention the lack of sleep - hello sleeping tablets my good old friends!

Not all bad though, I did get a pedicure from my sister, there's nothing worse than unpainted toe nails..
 

And I've had some lovely flowers and a load of chocolate, which is not helping my wedding diet at all...

 

And I've basically sat on my arse for 9 days! Bliss 

Bruising is very much there still and I can't quite sleep on my side but hey can't complain...

  
As for my actual "boobs" it's not obvious but they're less inverted and my scars seem less jaggered now, so I can start wearing some of the clothes I've put away for 2 years as my scars aren't as visable through clothes anymore.

 
And that's it ! Phase one completed! Next op is empty boobs!! Yippee and now all I have to concentrate on is work tomorrow ... and a trip of a life time to Washington- Philly- Atlantic City- New York -Boston -6 weeks and counting!!

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Bye bye 2016

Hasn't been all that bad ...

I went back to work at the beginning of the year, was going well until I bloody fractured my neck of femur ... any who...

Then me and the boy brought a house -finally!! 
 
A house we said we didn't really need to do much to... in fact the only room we didn't like was the bathroom  and in a shocking twist of fate it's the only room that we haven't touched... so after smashing out the ceiling in the kitchen, ripping down all of the wall paper in every room, a complete re-wire (not on the spreadsheet or on the budget may I add) a new kitchen, front door 
 
 

 

 
and loads of beautiful (vital) pieces from Betties Brocante Tamworth ( https://m.facebook.com/ShabitattVintage/?locale2=en_GB ) 
 

we had our first Xmas day together, me Arron, Fabio-Winston and Denzel Washington.


 

To be fair 2016 has been pretty dam good, we now have 2 nieces and 2 nephews - welcome Georgie Porgy
 
 
  Here's hoping to many more....


I also revisited my youth and went back to Maga, with my gorgeous Rebecca, didn't remember it back when I was 17 ..... not sure I remember it at 33 either.... we'll actually the hotel this time around was much improved (thanks  http://www.bhmallorca.com/ )

 
  

I become god mother to 2 beautiful girls ❤️

 
 
Not to mention the arrival of Laiken Fletcher Crook💙
 
I went to Lords and got twatted on Pims as you do.....

 On the subject of booze in 2016 I found my new vocal talent.....

 Later followed by a beautiful tribute to The Thong Song.....

And the day after this I said Yes !! - must have been my vocal talent that made him realise...
 

 

And then We fully embraced our new home, and when I say embraced, I mean that we pretty much live at the cocktail bar, and have convinced ourselves that it's actually cheaper to eat out....

Actually there was a period of time where I did actually start to cook, and as much As I tried to convince everyone it wasn't just a phase .... it lasted about 2-3 weeks max ... bored now ...

 

We had a fab weekend away to Dublin and I descovered that I like Guinness ...


And that letting your boyfriend (fiancé) and best friend pick your drink each time you go to the bar will only ever end up in disaster....

I dont like whiskey ... at all

 

But I do love going to the darts.... dressed at Daphne

 

And at last I get the letter to say I'm starting my reconstruction!!! Finally!! But as always there was a shocking twist of fate and my blood pressure decided to be a complete moron and go through the roof, operation cancelled, 24 hour blood pressure monitoring and 2 new pills to take daily....

Back on the waiting list.....

Oh and my leg is healing nicely... apparently... but the crutches remain ...

 

 

Fabulous.

But I did managed to get in another few days in the sun, well when I managed to get up .....

 
 And then X-factor began, which everyone knows is the official countdown to Christmas 🎄 

First Christmas in our new house 🏡 
We decided to have it just the two of us, and the guys obviously.  And of course we had our London weekend (fave weekend of the year)

 
Lots of shopping, bubbles, delicious food, bubbles, F&M (que Arron almost having a mini stroke), games, room escaping oh and an arcade just for adults!! 
 

 

We had to do our very own Xmas big shop... cheese and cava mainly, but Arron did manage to pull off an epic Xmas dinner, even if it was enough to feed all of the Fletchers and Iliffe's...  it was the first time in years that I felt normal again, I even went to work Xmas morning.

 
Yep he has ketchup with everything... looser


 
 Sometimes I think that I'm too happy... and that's actually really bloody scary.... keep waiting for something bad to happen, doesn't feel normal...

Anyway now Christmas is over it's full steam a head for The wedding... well after US Vacay.... and maybe, just maybe my reconstruction... that's if they don't cancel it again...

Hope not, I'm desperate to try on some dresses....