The good, the bad and cancer

Had some amazing news just before my birthday at the end of September - my latest CT was stable, meaning that nothing had grown or spread, so the Tamoxifen is working - YAY!! 

I celebrated for about a week, with a lot of eye rolling from Arron! 

But something no longer feels right, last week I spent the best part of 6 days in bed with excruciating lower back pain. I was actually en route to my friends down south and had to pull in at the services to throw up and cry, very nearly booked a hotel but somehow got home that evening. At first I thought it was kidney pain as my kidney function has recently plummeted (little buggers have done this before and then bounced back so fingers crossed and all), but then I started feeling pain similar to that of Tax chemo side effects.

Codeine wasn’t cutting it, I felt sick allllll the time, luckily I managed to source some tramadol, which I stupidly took on an empty stomach...

Then randomly in the middle of the night my top lip started to swell, and I mean SWELL, as if I don’t have enough going on, and I was actually meant to be going to work that day -what are the bloody chances ??

So a quick trip to the doctors and a shot of adrenaline later I was back in bed, very upset, very frustrated and yep still in pain. 

Friday we went away for a friends birthday which was lovely but in reality, I can’t do the normal things anymore that everyone around me can do. Don’t get me wrong there were no half marathons just a leisurely stroll through a city but it almost finished me off. I was crippled in pain, the sickness came back, my bones feel like they’re made of glass, and I get unbelievably tired sooooo quickly. So at around 9pm I went to bed, sober, on my mates bday, which is not like me at all, I’m usually the one demanding a final final. 

Is this is now for me? Is this my new quality of living? I guess it’s only downhill from here... Yesterday I popped to my sisters to pick up my washing (yep can’t keep on top of only mine and Arrons washing so my sister did it for me), I literally drove there, sat down, drank about 5 pints of lemon water and drove home, can I get out of bed today? Nope, I’m absolutely done in.

Also somethings going on with my thirst, as in I can’t quench it, I’m literally drinking allllllll day, Ive dipped my urine and that’s ok, last months bloods were ok so god only knows what’s going on there -but I guess that’s for another day.

I just wanted my good news to be celebrated for a tiny bit longer before things got shit.