Breaking Point

Sigh.

All of the shitty side effects have been for nothing. The nausea, rashes/blisters, migraines, UTIs, thrush, bone pain, stomach ache, fatigue, insomnia, abnormal heart rhythm, sore mouth, hair thinning the lot. All for nothing. The amount of time wasted in bed, all of the cancelled plans, the cancer has gotten worse, increased in size and stead further.

I now have tamoxifen for 3 months and if the next scans aren’t any better then it’s chemo.

I’m at an all time low. I’ve spent the last week in bed, can’t remember the last time I washed my hair, today I could barely open my eyes as I’ve had an allergic reaction to some bastard face wipes so I’ve spent all day in bed crying.

I’m done. 

I have nothing left in me, the fight has gone. I’ve spent 6 years with this crap and it’s taken everything from me. I already know it’s spreading, my left hip now hurts, everything I have been through has been for nothing. I’m so drained all i can do is cry. It’s so consuming, my heart is so heavy, I have nothing left.