On 24th Feb I was told that it looked like I had bone metastasis, even though my bone scan is clear something showed up on the CT scan (actually I was told this accidentally over the phone a week previous to this whilst stood in a motor way service station but you get the gist). This is around the time I wrote Scanxiety.
I then had an MRI to look at those areas more clearly -they forgot to scan my pelvis so I had to go back for another MRI, top of my spine is clear (well unchanged from the scan on diagnosis so thats good) and I'm now waiting for the pelvis results at the end of this week.
I have some how managed to block this out for the most part, don't ask me how but I have. I have tricked myself into thinking that non of this is happening and have filled my days with "normal" activities. Such as - weekends away, nights out (sober but nights out), driving, eyebrow HD, fake tanning, house hunting,family meals, playing on a flicker scooter thingy (awesome fun until you fly off and roll into a garage door) etc etc.
I say for the most part because I now have a new routine in that each night I look up to the sky and when I see a star I make a wish (you can probably guess what that wish is), I'm not sure if this is a "thing" or if Ive made it up? Who knows but I do it each night. I am also an active rainbow hunter, again not sure if this is another "thing" but I also make a wish when I see a rainbow (gosh I sound crazy-I am aware of this). So imagine my excitement earlier this week when I saw 2 rainbows!!
I've also started to use everything up, candles, champers, bubble bath etc, why on earth do we save these things? What are we saving them for??
So I have a couple of days of pure ignorance left to enjoy, or maybe this is normal as in everything is ok and will continue to be so? Is this my new normal life now? I hope so, I really hope so.